Here’s the thing, I try to get along with everyone and that’s not always possible but for the most part, I’m a loving person until you cross the line. Allow me to explain. (This blog was written 8 months ago and never published until now)
My brother in law is the type of person who manages to upset most anyone who gets to know him. Originally I thought, maybe he’s just not a likable person because he’s not controlling his tongue but now, I’m starting to believe that he intentionally does things to make people angry. In the first place, he’s always getting into our business and trying to run things. He’s always been very controlling with anyone who crosses his path and he loses most everyone in his life because of it. There are some people that I truly believe hate their self so much, they take it out on the world and hate them too. Who am I to pass judgment? That doesn’t really apply here considering he goes out of his way to make mine and my husband’s life hell. He’s always running to the remainder of the family and telling them lies about us and spreading rumors that have no backing. We have tried to stay away from him as much as possible but, the lies and rumors continue. I wrote a previous blog concerning my mother in law and she’s bad for considering her “baby” perfect and she always finds fault in her oldest son (my husband). She’s always telling my brother in law our business and they constantly sit and talk about us.
Normally, I would be ignoring this kind of behavior but, our lives have been affected by this so badly that we cannot breathe without being condemned. He even goes as far as to tell us how to take care of our child yet, he does not take care of his and never has. My husband once made the mistake of helping him out with a credit card, he ran up thousands of dollars and still to this day has not paid it back and doesn’t care that my husband’s credit is now ruined. Family or not, that’s someone that you cannot trust and want nothing to do with. This is someone who has never been mature, who refuses to pay his bills or hold down a job. Instead, he spends all of his money on movies, eating out, video games and going in debt for electronics. Really? When you owe someone a lot of money, the least you could do is make an effort to pay them back. I have told my husband multiple times that I’m completely done with his family and he has the choice to either stand by them or walk away but, I feel like that my son should not be in their lives because they are horrible influences and sleezy people.
UPDATE 7-12-2015 – We are no longer associating with my brother in law other than the occasional phone call. He no longer lives near us and we haven’t seen him in many months. It’s honestly better for all of us but, he still hasn’t forked over any of the money he owes us.
I wanted to write about people who leave home, whether you’re 35 or 16, there is a struggle about leaving home. The difference between a 16 year old leaving home and a 35 year old leaving home is that you feel differently.
There’s a real struggle concerning leaving home because, you wonder whether or not you’re making the right decision and how hard things will be when you do leave home. I know that for most people, they are excited when they’re at a point where they can move out and are looking forward to making their own decisions but, that will change as time goes along and you’ll begin to look back starting from childhood into adulthood wondering how it went so fast. As you start having kids of your own, you’ll almost wish that you could do those things again like going to the fair and getting on the kiddy rides or going on vacations with your parents. Yes, you can do those things with your own kids but, it’s different.
I believe that when you’re really young, you’re so focused on getting out and living by your own decisions and rules, that you don’t think about how it will change your life. If you have lived with your parents much longer than most, you tend to have trouble leaving home because, all of that rush to get out has passed and you’re much more mature. A lot of people have an attachment to their parents regardless of age. However, there are those who had horrible childhoods and never want to see their parents again.
Ok, so you’re out on your own, along with your following your own rules, the bills start coming in. For those who are married or in a relationship where the person lives with you, you’re now stuck trying to figure out not only how to run a household but, you have to also pay bills that will not stop coming in and then when you add children into the mix, it gets even more complicated and before you know it, home isn’t looking so bad. I personally don’t miss home but, I do miss being a kid in one way and in another way, I feel good that I can pay my own bills and I don’t have someone controlling everything I do nor do I have someone holding over my head that they pay the bills.
As our parents age, we begin to worry about them and how to best care for them. That’s when things get really complicated and on top of your already stressful life, you know are in the circle of life and having to take care of your parents when they can no longer do so. It’s a never ending cycle but one thing is for sure, we’ll always miss home in one way or another.
Well, the dreaded mother in law is back. I want to say first off that I did not want her back in our home and I’m really angry that I basically was forced to let her come back here. She came here earlier this week and hasn’t left yet because we haven’t been able to drive her the 2 hours back to her house. Anyway, she was here all of one day before she started in again about we had to take her to kingdom hall and my husband was at work, we only have one car so it wasn’t going to happen so, she says “I’m going to walk” and I laughed because it’s 2 miles from our home, she can barely walk through the house muchless 2 miles away. She tells me that she must walk because she “has to put in hours for Jehovah”. Oh my God, so anyway, she takes off walking and she’s gone 3 minutes and comes back and says “It’s too hot, I can’t do it, so now what am I supposed to do”. I have no idea what she’s supposed to do, I’m without a car when my husband’s at work.
So then Wednesday night comes around and she’s like “I need you to take me to kingdom hall tomorrow night” and my husband says to her “I told you that we’re not involved with those people and we’re not going to drive you to kingdom hall, you need to call over there and have someone from the organization give you a ride” well that just set her off and she wanted to leave, which by the way, she’s always threatening to do. So she ends up calling and talking to I guess an Elder who tells her that they will have someone pick her up and they will call her when they are on their way. Ok, so she doesn’t hear anything by mid day yesterday and so again she starts in about us taking her to kingdom hall, we’re not going to take her and we reminded her of that again. So finally, she gets in touch with someone who comes to pick her up and she leaves. We always know that when she goes to the meetings, she comes back with a vengeance. I have no idea what they are teaching her about “worldly people” but whatever it is, it’s causing her to come back filled with hate.
So last night I ended up talking to my husband about things going on here and what I needed from him. We ended up raising our voices a little but we were still in the privacy of our bedroom. Well, I hear her slamming doors, boxes and throwing a bunch of stuff in boxes and bags. Her room wall is shared with my son’s room wall and it’s 3:30 in the morning and I’m pissed off because she’s making a bunch of noise pitching a temper tantrum. So I tell my husband, “You need to go in there and tell her to stop her bullshit or she can go walking back home”. He gets up and goes in there and she’s got her head spinning in a 360 degree spin, she’s still slamming boxes and yelling about how much she hates me and she’s leaving and this and that. My husband said “I don’t give a damn what you’re mad about but you’re not going to wake up the baby”. So he walks away and she’s still fuming and she slams one more box and then finally stops.
I told my husband that I’m not going to deal with this and that she shouldn’t have been here to begin with and she needs to return home but, we’re not taking her. I have plans for today and I have plans this weekend and neither includes driving her 2 hours back to her house. I’m actually rather annoyed with this attitude and idea that she’s actually going somewhere when she gets mad. We don’t have money to be making those kind of trips, she doesn’t have a car or anyone who lives anywhere near our house and there’s no bus line. I know that she’ll be on the phone with her other son soon enough expecting him to drive all the way out here and because he’s such a mama’s boy, I’m sure he’ll do it.
Most importantly, I don’t care what she thinks about me at all and I don’t need her help or support. All I’m concerned about is how my son feels. He’s almost 2 years old and she’s just emotionally damaging him by walking in and out of his life. My son already doesn’t have his grandpa in his life because he was nuts and acts crazy and does stupid things just like she does. I don’t need this kind of dysfunction and stress in his life or mine. I could honestly care less that she hates me. As long as he’s not hurt by it then I don’t care. I know that with his Autism and him being a toddler right now, he can’t possibly understand what’s going on so this has to be hard on him. I’m at the end of my rope and I think it’s honestly worse that she’s here than if she’s gone. I just know that I can’t take this anymore.
A couple of weeks ago, my mother in law returned to her house with the Jehovah’s Witnesses and she picked up her things and we took her to her other son’s house. After we got close to his house, there was an argument about her religion and I believe I wrote about this when it first happened. It was the first time that I was so angry with her, I couldn’t say another word and decided I was completely done. So, my husband continued talking to her every few days over the phone but, I wanted nothing to do with her because of all the stress she has caused us. Now, she’s wanting to return to our house to stay and i’m honestly not having it!
We had to go to the city she lives in yesterday to go to the doctor and of course my husband decides to drop by her house and pick her up. We were driving around after my appointment and she waits until my husband gets out of the car and says “I need to talk to you”. I knew then that she was going to say something about the organization because she loves to catch me when I’m alone.
So she proceeds to tell me that she wants to return to our house but, that I’m not allowed to say anything else about her or the Jehovah’s Witnesses that she won’t tolerate it and that I make her uncomfortable and I’m in an outrage at this point. I said to her “This is not about how you feel, this is my home and I don’t want you or your material in my house”. So she ignores what I said and then says “I want to come back and you can take me to my Kingdom Hall meetings twice a week”. i was like No way! NO NO NO! I don’t want anything to do with her organization. I’m at the bottom of the rope now.
When we returned home after dropping her off, I told my husband that she doesn’t run the show around here and that I don’t want her back here staying and that I’m not taking her to Kingdom Hall and neither is he. if he wants something to do with her, he can do it over the phone or outside this house. Yes, this blog is a complete rant because as most of you know, I’m running on nothing at this point and I have no more patience for this. We cannot stay around each other or in the same house period!
So as many of you know, I often rant about my mother in law and I fully intend to rant again because I’m completely 100% fed up! Here’s what happened: The past few days my mother in law has been driving me insane and as you all know she’s constantly knit-picking about me, my husband and what we do with our lives. I’ve had enough and I finally decided it would be a good time to take her home. She tells me Thursday night that she wants me to take her 2 hours away to her house because she wants to go to a JW assembly. Great! This is my chance to get her out of my house for a while. So, we wake up on Friday morning and go to take her and she wants to do a bunch of other things first. When we get close to her house she springs it on me “I just want to pick up my mail and then I want you to take me to my son’s house” which is my brother in law and is an hour from her house. OMG I’m already tired. So, we take her over there and the first thing she does when she walks in is start ranting about my brother in law’s Christmas tree and Christmas wreath. We stay for a very short while and tell him it’s his problem now and we left.
She has been riding us for weeks to get her out of the house before we celebrate “Satan’s holiday”. Which excuse me but, I thought people referred to Halloween as Satan’s holiday. Anyway, we knew that we had to get her out of here because I’m not ruining my son’s Christmas because she can’t control herself. Backing up a little, when we were almost at her house yesterday, she started talking about the JW’s and the bible. Well that’s always a hot topic and it starts fights. I try to avoid it but she likes to push it, so fine. The first thing that’s brought up is there not being a hell and she believes that the hell is actually the grave and that you feel nothing and see nothing. When I brought up the story of the rich man who was in torment (after his death) and called out to Abraham for a drop of water to be put on his tongue, she got quiet. It proves that the soul is not the body, that people do go to hell and that he was able to see, hear and know what was going on.
Then she brought up the 144,000 and I told her that no one of the 144,000 is still living today because of words used such as “were, saw, named” in the verse that says And 144,000 WERE sealed and they WERE the 12 tribes of Israel. (it already happened). So she got steaming mad at this point.
Then she brought up Jesus “not” dying on a cross. I said that’s not true either, Jesus did die on a cross because in the bible it clearly states that above Jesus’s head was a sign that read This is Jesus, The King of Jews. I said to her “If Jesus had his hands above his head, why does the bible say he has a sign above his head? Wouldn’t it then be that Jesus actually had his hands above the sign? She got mad at that too because she knew she was wrong.
I also explained to her that a man by the name of Johannes Greber translated multiple watchtowers and several books. That Johannes Greber and his wife were both spirit mediums and he stated that he got the information for their translations from demons. Then we went into the subject that several of the Jehovah’s Witness founders/leaders lied claiming that they knew Greek and Hebrew and in fact they did not know and admitted in court that they lied. They have never had any basis for their translations.
Then she wanted to drag up baptism, fine! Let’s bring it up! In the bible (yes even the NWT) it clearly states that you MUST be baptized in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Ghost. However, they completely ignore that and say that you must be baptized in the organization.
The intentional twisting of scripture, the false prophecies (There were far too many to count but, in the bible it says that those who make prophecies in God’s name that do not come true are NOT of God), the use of Spirit Mediums as translators, The fact that Charles Russell (The founder) was an alcoholic, adulterer and psychotic and the intentional leaving out of scriptures is the reason that I don’t have a use for talking about or dealing with her and her group of buddies. I also told her that I did not appreciate her leaving her watchtower magazines laying all over the place with violent pictures on the front cover of Christian’s being destroyed by God while the JW’s stood over them smiling. I just can’t have this going on in my house and I finally had enough and dumped her off on my brother in law. I’m sorry to all the JW’s out there who probably hate me right now but seriously, when you combine her mental illness with her “truth” which can be easily disputed, it gets to be too much particularly since I’m far too busy with my son who has Autism to be dealing with an adult who gets mad at the slightest breath.
FINAL STATEMENT: If you don’t know your religions history, you have already begun the process of having the wool pulled over your eyes. If the Jehovah’s Witnesses weren’t worried about their history, they wouldn’t command you to not go searching for information on the internet. For those of you who might be confused or curious or just simply stubborn, I posted plenty of resources for you to get proper information.
I currently have a mother in law who’s been a JW for I guess about 5 years now. She became caught up with the witnesses every since her marriage went south and she became depressed. These people some how came to know my mother in law and “saved her” from her “worldly life”. This is someone who was a devout Catholic but, who drifted when she attempted suicide. Now, I’ve never been particularly fond of Jehovah’s Witnesses and that’s primarily because, I didn’t like the way that they pushed their material on you and wouldn’t answer any questions that you had (aside from what’s in the Watchtower). However, I attempted to get along with her any way. Now mind you, she was in there for about 2 years when I met her and she was not as pushy back then. For the past year, she’s pushed her material and her speeches.
She comes to visit often claiming to help with her grandchild and yet, every single time we always have a stupid argument about her organization and she always makes a comment on everything that I keep in my room. She claims to be a devout witness but, she’s not following this “Be like Jesus” mentality that she walks into Kingdom Halls with. Oh, around her Jehovah’s Witness crowd she’s all about how great she is and how humble she is but, wait there’s more, when she’s away from those people she’s a completely different person. She’s virtually abandoned her son and myself as far as emotionally/spiritually and she often remind us of our “fate” which of course to her means an eternal death that doesn’t consist of this paradise on earth. She’s constantly telling us that she’s going to abandon her grandson and the “rest of us” if we do anything that “Jehovah” doesn’t agree with. Basically, this includes anything that the Watchtower doesn’t agree with or the organization their self doesn’t agree with. So yep: no holiday’s, no patriotic crap, no voting, no higher education, no pictures of Jesus, no crosses, no Holy Bible, NADA! I’m sorry but, I’m not in that group and I’m tired of living my life this way, offending her at every breath without saying a word.
I have spoken to other Jehovah’s Witnesses who have told me that this is not what they are about and that she has not learned self control or humility and that this is not the way she should be behaving. This being over critical of everything I do and say. I won’t get into all the reasons why she’s wrong in my eyes but what I will tell you is, I feel that no one should be this obsessed with any religion that they cannot get along with family. I love God just as much as the next person but, unless God leads me from people who are harmful to me, I’m not going to abandon anyone and I don’t allow leaders of my church to rule my life either. What happens with me is between me and God and I would never depend on anyone to save me every time I wander. My mother in law is different, she has to run and call up her “brothers and sisters” every time she see’s me “doing wrong”. I can’t believe the speech I got over a couple of 6 inch Angel figurines. I’m not talking about filthy Angel’s either. I’m talking about Christian Angel’s. They were sitting quietly on my desk bothering no one, because of course they are inanimate objects and oh my gosh, I never thought I would hear the end of it. So she calls her JW friends and they tell me that she’s not allowed to tell me what I keep in my room and so of course she obey’s them and not 2 months later, she’s on a kick about other things in my bedroom. Claiming she will go home if I don’t remove them.
My husband tells her all of the time, if you want to go home because of what we have in our bedroom, I will be happy to take you and you can stay there. She calms down for a day or two and then goes right back to the speeches again. Is this how Jehovah’s Witnesses really act? How do you feel about my situation and what I have said?
When my now 19 month old son was 17 months, I started noticing signs that seemed off about him. I knew the typical toddler behaviors but my son, was different. I had already known the signs of autism from all of my medical research/background. Yes, he was very different. During the day he seems really focused on tapping things a certain number of times, holding his ears at the slightest noise and getting extremely emotional over seemingly nothing. He also had other odd things such as being focused on only saying a few words, doing the same thing every day and cowering at the thought of talking to people he doesn’t know or being around children.
Having an Autistic child is very difficult and having an Autistic Toddler is extremely exhausting. I can easily say that I was not prepared for this but, I’m doing the best I know how. Thank God for support groups. So anyway, my son is so focused on the few things he’s obsessed with that he doesn’t like anything to change or go wrong in his routine and therefore, we basically work around his schedule.
For example: My son likes to play with the pup’s we have, go outside and play with his rocks and grass (When I say his, I mean that he has chosen pebbles that go every where with him), go to the store, play with all of the playground balls that he has and tap on things.
That may seem like a lot but, with him it’s so limited and he’s so focused on everything that he does, he’s not interested in anything else. Sometimes he even wakes up in the middle of the night to perform his “rituals”. It’s very stressful because well, my husband and I don’t get much sleep and it’s hard for us to change his schedule at all. Now, some people have actually said to me “He’s a kid, you’re the boss, just make him do what you want”. It’s not that way with an Autistic Toddler, it simply doesn’t work because, unlike temper tantrums that most toddler’s have, our son actually has full on mental breakdowns that make it impossible for him to function.
He is also extremely attached to three items of his, a stuffed caterpillar, a blanket with whales on it and his pebble rocks. Those items have to go along with us any where we go.
I think that Autism is very much misunderstood by those who don’t know anyone that has it and everything is difficult with an Autistic child. For instance, even simple tasks such as bathing, changing his pull up, changing clothes, putting him to bed, talking loud (even if we’re not speaking to him), public environments, being around other kids etc. it becomes very intense and very stressful to just do simple things that some people take for granted.
To know that our son may never fully develop and that he may need help the rest of his life is almost devastating. Will he be able to have a family? Will he be able to ever have a career or go to college? We don’t know the answer to that yet and we won’t even be able to guess that until he’s much older. For anyone who has an autistic child, I’m sure you can relate to these things. Whether or not you have an autistic child, please comment on this blog and tell me your thoughts.
There are many people who marry someone without even considering what their in-laws will be like. I think that many people are in good favor with the in-laws in the beginning but, after the marriage has been going for a while, things start to go south. In my case, my in-laws hate me. You see, I’m not the same race as my husband and in his culture they have very strict beliefs on what a wife should be like. In this case, women are sex objects and they are also home-makers and nothing more. The women are supposed to obey what the man says and tolerate anything that happens, even if the man is abusive.
On the other hand, I was raised differently. It was not optional for a woman to work because, it took both incomes in order to pay all of the bills and have entertainment money as well such as going on vacation at least twice a year. The woman was not slave to the man. The man did his own laundry, cooking and never treated the woman as if she owed him anything. Due to this difference in cultures, my in-laws have decided that I’m an evil, outspoken witch. In fact, my mother in law truly believes that I’m the spawn of Satan because, I’m not a submissive wife who doesn’t defend myself.
Though everyone’s situation with their in-laws are different, the wife is usually subject to more stress from the husband’s family than vice-versa. This can often cause problems in the marriage and eventually, the man either has to choose between his wife or his family or, the wife decides she’s not willing to tolerate it any more and just leaves. It’s unclear why things are so bad between in-laws and married couples. In my experiences, the differences of opinion on everything, the difference in cultures and the way each of the people involved were raised has a lot to do with the conflicts. Almost always, the mother in law rejects her daughter in law because, she feels as though the daughter in law will never be worthy of her “Perfect son”.
Then, as the couple goes on to have children, often times the mother in law steps in and tries to tell her son or daughter what to do with their child and why their spouse is doing it all wrong. I’ve even heard of nightmare in-laws where they obtain a key to their child’s house and they go in whenever they want, rearrange things in the house and tell them what to do with their life and why it’s all screwed up. You rarely hear of this problem with father in laws and I assume it’s because, they are happy that their child grew up enough to move out, get married and give them grandchildren and almost always, the father in law is happy to just be free from raising children. However, the father in law always has the tough job of playing referee when the mother in law gets involved in things she shouldn’t.
For those who are experiencing problems with their in-laws, please leave a comment at the bottom of this blog and let me know what your experience has been and what you think of the above statements.
I want all of you to know that I’m not writing this blog due to the domestic abuse that has occurred within the NFL. Now with that being said, let’s proceed.
Domestic violence can often occur with someone that you trust and often times it’s due to that person’s inability to control their emotions. It can however, be caused by someone who has a mental illness such as Paranoia which can cause the person to believe that their partner is doing things intentionally to make them angry. The other side of it can also be the person’s inability to take personal responsibility for their own actions. Often times the abuser will say “If you hadn’t of said that, this wouldn’t be happening” or whatever the case is.
I want you to know a few things. In the first place, I’m a survivor of domestic violence. I won’t bore you with the details but, I will tell you that the person who abused me did so for as long as he could get away it and first chose isolation to keep me from telling anyone and then proceeded with the endless cycle of breaking my spirit to make me submissive. You see these are all common steps of the abuser and most abusers are afraid for anyone to discover what they are doing.
The most difficult thing for women to do is to leave their abuser. It’s common that people will criticize and say “Why didn’t you leave sooner” well, as I stated before Isolation is the abusers biggest advantage. There are extreme cases where the abuser will literally force you to stay inside the house. The person may block the doors/windows, they may tie you up or even lock you in a closet. There’s no way to escape most of the time unless someone gets worried about you and comes to your rescue.
The biggest thing that you need to know, if you do manage to get away from your abuser know that it will not stop. Almost always, the abuser is determined to have you back under their control and that is when stalking begins. You will often find that person showing up where you happen to be, usually they have either followed you or they have someone giving them information about where you’re going or who you will be with. Always take someone you trust with you every place that you go. I know that this may be annoying or even inconvenient but, it will also likely save your life. If you have no one to go with you, put it off for another time or carry discreet pepper spray or a tazer.
There are various resources that can help you escape from this abusive endless cycle but, what you need to know for sure is that you will require counseling when you leave the abusive relationship and things will never be the same again. That’s bad news you say, yes, the good news is though, you won’t be being beaten every day any more. It’s impossible to say whether or not the person will follow you everywhere you go but what they will do is, they will do everything they can to convince you to either stay or return back with them. They may even say “I went to therapy” or “I’m on medication now”. I do believe that people can change, I don’t however believe that they can change so quickly and by you going back to them, you’re rekindling that excitement they had of controlling and abusing you. It’s never a good idea to return based on what they claim, or even return at all.