My Review: ADT Security Systems

Ever thought about getting a home alarm system? Ever considered going with ADT? DONT! Let me tell you about my experience. 

I bought a house in November and I figured out pretty quick that I would need a security system. So, who do I call? ADT because, they advertise heavily and make it seem like you’re getting a great deal. So a man from corporate came out to the house and gave his speech. He told me all about ADT and how they are the leader in security systems, he told me how much I would be paying which was $47.99/month and that I wouldn’t have to pay for any of the equipment of front, so basically no upfront costs. 

When ADT came out to install my system in January, I was excited and looking forward to having the peace of mind they constantly talk about. When it came down to a motion sensor that constantly went off 15-30 minutes after it was turned on and 3 phone calls to the police to check the house out while we were gone, I became frustrated when nothing was happening inside the house. We’ve had about 5 tech calls for the motion sensor and 2 replacements later, it seems to be functioning. That’s one of the major hassles with ADT, they give you malfunctioning and probably used equipment. 

So anyway, on August 2nd I made a payment to them with my usual method of a debit card. So usually you wait no more than 48 hours and you see your payment posted on the account. Mine was never posted however, I did a screenshot of my completed payment. After 3 days and it still wasn’t on the account, I contacted ADT via email and received nothing! 7 days later, I contact ADT again via email and still nothing. Yesterday, 12 days later I contacted ADT only to be told “Your payment didn’t go through, we tried taking it out on August 3rd and it was declined. Uh BULLSHIT! The money was in there for 12 days until I finally assumed they didn’t want it and I paid another bill with it instead. The customer service rep was so snappy and rude, I finally hung up on her. 

On top of all of this, you should know that there’s 2 separate ADT entity’s. The first being the advertisements you get in the mail which come from ADT’s corporate office or “Authorized Dealers”. The second being actual ADT that you call on the phone and specifically request an agent from there to come. I ended up getting the corporate ADT because, I didn’t know any different. When you sign up for new service you’ll receive 1 motion sensor, 1 keypad, 1 keychain remote and 2 sensors. Want more than 2 sensors? That’ll cost you $120 for 2 more of them. That’s right, they are not only killing you every month but, they also are demanding you pay 4 times the price for wireless sensors that you can buy online or other places that don’t want to screw you over.

The best part of all? You get to be stuck in a 2 year contract at a total of $1,151 to rent the service. Then if you don’t renew your contract, they will stop monitoring you and can even take your equipment. I will say this BUYER BEWARE!  

I despise my brother in law

Here’s the thing, I try to get along with everyone and that’s not always possible but for the most part, I’m a loving person until you cross the line. Allow me to explain. (This blog was written 8 months ago and never published until now)

My brother in law is the type of person who manages to upset most anyone who gets to know him. Originally I thought, maybe he’s just not a likable person because he’s not controlling his tongue but now, I’m starting to believe that he intentionally does things to make people angry. In the first place, he’s always getting into our business and trying to run things. He’s always been very controlling with anyone who crosses his path and he loses most everyone in his life because of it. There are some people that I truly believe hate their self so much, they take it out on the world and hate them too. Who am I to pass judgment? That doesn’t really apply here considering he goes out of his way to make mine and my husband’s life hell. He’s always running to the remainder of the family and telling them lies about us and spreading rumors that have no backing. We have tried to stay away from him as much as possible but, the lies and rumors continue. I wrote a previous blog concerning my mother in law and she’s bad for considering her “baby” perfect and she always finds fault in her oldest son (my husband). She’s always telling my brother in law our business and they constantly sit and talk about us.

Normally, I would be ignoring this kind of behavior but, our lives have been affected by this so badly that we cannot breathe without being condemned. He even goes as far as to tell us how to take care of our child yet, he does not take care of his and never has. My husband once made the mistake of helping him out with a credit card, he ran up thousands of dollars and still to this day has not paid it back and doesn’t care that my husband’s credit is now ruined. Family or not, that’s someone that you cannot trust and want nothing to do with. This is someone who has never been mature, who refuses to pay his bills or hold down a job. Instead, he spends all of his money on movies, eating out, video games and going in debt for electronics. Really? When you owe someone a lot of money, the least you could do is make an effort to pay them back. I have told my husband multiple times that I’m completely done with his family and he has the choice to either stand by them or walk away but, I feel like that my son should not be in their lives because they are horrible influences and sleezy people.

UPDATE 7-12-2015 – We are no longer associating with my brother in law other than the occasional phone call. He no longer lives near us and we haven’t seen him in many months. It’s honestly better for all of us but, he still hasn’t forked over any of the money he owes us. 

The Struggle of Leaving Home

PHOTO CREDIT: alcfezbook.com

I wanted to write about people who leave home, whether you’re 35 or 16, there is a struggle about leaving home. The difference between a 16 year old leaving home and a 35 year old leaving home is that you feel differently.

There’s a real struggle concerning leaving home because, you wonder whether or not you’re making the right decision and how hard things will be when you do leave home. I know that for most people, they are excited when they’re at a point where they can move out and are looking forward to making their own decisions but, that will change as time goes along and you’ll begin to look back starting from childhood into adulthood wondering how it went so fast. As you start having kids of your own, you’ll almost wish that you could do those things again like going to the fair and getting on the kiddy rides or going on vacations with your parents. Yes, you can do those things with your own kids but, it’s different.

I believe that when you’re really young, you’re so focused on getting out and living by your own decisions and rules, that you don’t think about how it will change your life. If you have lived with your parents much longer than most, you tend to have trouble leaving home because, all of that rush to get out has passed and you’re much more mature. A lot of people have an attachment to their parents regardless of age. However, there are those who had horrible childhoods and never want to see their parents again.

Ok, so you’re out on your own, along with your following your own rules, the bills start coming in. For those who are married or in a relationship where the person lives with you, you’re now stuck trying to figure out not only how to run a household but, you have to also pay bills that will not stop coming in and then when you add children into the mix, it gets even more complicated and before you know it, home isn’t looking so bad. I personally don’t miss home but, I do miss being a kid in one way and in another way, I feel good that I can pay my own bills and I don’t have someone controlling everything I do nor do I have someone holding over my head that they pay the bills.

As our parents age, we begin to worry about them and how to best care for them. That’s when things get really complicated and on top of your already stressful life, you know are in the circle of life and having to take care of your parents when they can no longer do so. It’s a never ending cycle but one thing is for sure, we’ll always miss home in one way or another.

Cleanliness is Next to Godliness

Anyone who’s ever known me will tell you one thing, I’m completely obsessed with having things clean. I want you to first understand one thing, I’m not a germophobe like most people who have OCD or maybe I’m deceiving myself.

There’s a couple of reasons for why I keep my home clean.

#1 – I hate seeing food crumbs on the stove and or splatter on the stove and in the microwave

#2 – I hate seeing a sinkful of dishes, they aren’t going to wash themselves

#3 – I hate for food/grease or any other spilled substance to be on my floors, that’s why I ditched traditional mopping and purchased a steam mop.

#4 – I have lived with a very uncleanly person who now has some kind of nasty skin infection due to, his lack of cleaning.

#5 – I hate lazy people.

I want to present a clean home for both my family that I have created and anyone who comes to my home and specifically for myself. I feel very proud when my home is sparkling. My biggest confession is that I use my steam mop at least 3 times a day in the entire house. That part might actually convince me I may be a germophobe. I also have cats in the home and as you know, their urine can stink and you had better believe their litter boxes are cleaned out daily and cleaned with industrial sanitizer along with, using a trash bag that has Febreeze scent to line the box. My husband on the other hand along with his family are not clean people and are very lazy. I often get the “You’re obsessed with cleaning” and “I didn’t make the mess” and there of course comes the teenage temper tantrum from my husband “You can’t tell me what to do”. That seriously raises my blood pressure. If you live here, you clean here regardless of who makes the mess.

I realize that not everyone is cut out for cleaning but, if I go to your home and you have poop stains on your toilet seat because you’re too lazy to clean it, I can’t respect you. To me, anything like that is just laziness. Yes, I experienced that multiple times with the man I mentioned earlier who has the skin infection. Even with animals in the home, your house can smell clean and fresh without overdoing it with air fresheners and candles. I have found that just my steam mop alone makes everything smell fantastic in the home and I’m not adding any chemicals. I then wipe everything down with industrial sanitizer which has a nice clean scent. It’s not hard to keep people who are in your home from getting sick and on top of that, you have really shiny surfaces and that makes you feel good. When I go on a cleaning kick, I can clean my entire house (which is very large) in 45 minutes. I work very fast but, it will definitely pass the white glove test and I don’t expect that everyone will live that way. We live in our home, it’s not a museum, we do make messes and we clean them up.

I know this article probably doesn’t apply to anyone, I just really wanted to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading and feel free to comment and like this blog post.

The Transitioning Cat

Recently, I got a cat that’s an adult from a married couple who could no longer keep him. We had to drive quite a ways to pick him up and he had never been in a car before. We realized trying to bring him home that it was going to be a tough ride because he was not at all happy about being in a car. Finally about 30 minutes into the ride he started settling down. He lived in a very small apartment and was allowed to be outside roaming the parking lot any time he wanted to. He had never had any immunizations, seen a vet or been neutered. We brought him home to a house nearly 5 times bigger than the apartment he lived in and the first thing he did was run and hide behind the couch. I had known that he probably would do that because I have had cats before. We finally managed to get him out from behind the couch, I put a soft fleece blanket over an extra pillow that we have and laid it on the floor. He wanted nothing to do with the pillow and decided to sleep on our bed the entire night. The next day he laid around the entire day and decided to lay in a torn up trash bag in our closet with only his head sticking out. We left him alone assuming that he would come out eventually. Later that night he began meowing at the door and scratching at the door. He wanted to go outside just like he was used to doing and of course we couldn’t just let him out because he doesn’t know how to find his way home and we don’t have any tags for him yet or even a collar.

So the next day, we took him outside in our backyard which has a large wooden fence all the way around and we watched him carefully. At one point he ran under my legs and jumped all the way on top of the fence and was getting ready to jump over it when I grabbed him. We knew that we couldn’t just let him outside. Most of the time he just lays around or stares out the window but, sometimes he comes around being all annoying and wanting constant attention which I can’t give him constant attention because I have a toddler in the house who has autism and he needs much more attention. I would imagine that some of you will judge me and say that I shouldn’t have gotten a cat to begin with but, I really wanted my son to have a small animal that he could grow up with and maybe even help some of his autism characteristics and I have heard that cats can be very loving and gentle with kids and people who are sad.

Tonight has been the most unusual night of them all. He got up on our bed and squatted over my husbands blanket, was trembling very badly and jumped off the bed and he left behind a small wet spot that didn’t seem like urine. So now I find out that he’s “in heat” and I know male cats don’t go in heat but you know what I’m saying. So now we need to take him and get his shots and get him neutered. He’s also been jumping up on the toilet in our bathroom and jumping up on the tiny windowsill in our bathroom and falling to the floor. I’m not sure if he actually knows there’s a female cat outside or if he’s just hoping there is. Either way, I probably should have looked for a cat that’s already been neutered rather than just asking for any cat.

If you have cats, especially rescued cats you will probably understand all of these frustrations that we’re having right now adjusting to life with a new cat. If you don’t have cats but you’re considering getting one, get one that’s neutered or spayed already.

The Problem with In-laws

There are many people who marry someone without even considering what their in-laws will be like. I think that many people are in good favor with the in-laws in the beginning but, after the marriage has been going for a while, things start to go south. In my case, my in-laws hate me. You see, I’m not the same race as my husband and in his culture they have very strict beliefs on what a wife should be like. In this case, women are sex objects and they are also home-makers and nothing more. The women are supposed to obey what the man says and tolerate anything that happens, even if the man is abusive.

On the other hand, I was raised differently. It was not optional for a woman to work because, it took both incomes in order to pay all of the bills and have entertainment money as well such as going on vacation at least twice a year. The woman was not slave to the man. The man did his own laundry, cooking and never treated the woman as if she owed him anything. Due to this difference in cultures, my in-laws have decided that I’m an evil, outspoken witch. In fact, my mother in law truly believes that I’m the spawn of Satan because, I’m not a submissive wife who doesn’t defend myself.

Though everyone’s situation with their in-laws are different, the wife is usually subject to more stress from the husband’s family than vice-versa. This can often cause problems in the marriage and eventually, the man either has to choose between his wife or his family or, the wife decides she’s not willing to tolerate it any more and just leaves. It’s unclear why things are so bad between in-laws and married couples. In my experiences, the differences of opinion on everything, the difference in cultures and the way each of the people involved were raised has a lot to do with the conflicts. Almost always, the mother in law rejects her daughter in law because, she feels as though the daughter in law will never be worthy of her “Perfect son”.

Then, as the couple goes on to have children, often times the mother in law steps in and tries to tell her son or daughter what to do with their child and why their spouse is doing it all wrong. I’ve even heard of nightmare in-laws where they obtain a key to their child’s house and they go in whenever they want, rearrange things in the house and tell them what to do with their life and why it’s all screwed up. You rarely hear of this problem with father in laws and I assume it’s because, they are happy that their child grew up enough to move out, get married and give them grandchildren and almost always, the father in law is happy to just be free from raising children. However, the father in law always has the tough job of playing referee when the mother in law gets involved in things she shouldn’t.

For those who are experiencing problems with their in-laws, please leave a comment at the bottom of this blog and let me know what your experience has been and what you think of the above statements.

Codependency

As a person who has lived most of my adult life as a co-dependent, I must say that it’s one of the most difficult things a person can go through. For myself, being co-dependent can be frustrating because, there’s a constant need for having someone around even if you don’t need their help. 

Most co-dependent people are often seen as unable to do anything for their selves. However, this was not the case with me. In my life, I was co-dependent in a way that I felt the need to have bad friends and bad relationships. This is not because I enjoy negativity but, it’s more to do with wanting anyone in my life and around me so that I wasn’t alone but, I needed nothing from them. 

The second type of co-dependency is a person who truly cannot function without depending on someone else. This is not just financial but also mentally, physically, sexually and spiritually. There comes a point where the person cannot be alone, cannot preform tasks without someone there to tell them they are doing it right, they constantly feel the need to talk to someone about everything and their lives are diminished. 

Recently, I did something I have never done and that is to remove bad people from my life. The reason this was done is because I’m no longer needing to depend on someone else to make me happy. I’m in a good marriage and I have only 2 good friends and I’m okay with that. Letting go when you are co-dependent is extremely hard to do. For me, it took many years and I had to just do it. I know that sounds crazy to a co-dependent person but, sometimes “cold turkey” is the best way to go. 

If you’re in a co-dependent relationship, keep in mind that some partners play off of that and enjoy knowing that they can do anything and everything they want and you won’t leave because, you don’t want to be alone. This is very common in semi-abusive and full-abusive relationships. If you have a loving partner, you will find it harder to do much of anything when your partner is not around and thus will develop “Separation Anxiety Disorder” and yes I know what you’re thinking “Only kids and animals go through that”, that’s a myth, there are many adults who can also suffer from S.A.D. 

You may also find that in a co-dependent friendship that you’re giving more than you’re getting. It’s often the case that people often “over do it” when it comes to pleasing the other person and no I’m not talking about sexual. In this case, I’m referring to the acts like being a “Yes man” and saying yes to everything they want you to do because, you fear losing the friendship if you don’t. Keep in mind: A real friend will not abandon the friendship if you abandon the codependency.

RECOVERING FROM CODEPENDENCY 

• Abstinence. Abstinence or sobriety is necessary to recover from codependency. The goal is to bring your attention back to yourself, to have an internal, rather than external, “locus of control.” This means that your actions are primarily motivated by your values, needs, and feelings, not someone else’s. You learn to meet those needs in healthy ways.Perfect abstinence or sobriety isn’t necessary for progress, and it’s impossible with respect to codependency with people. You need and depend upon others and therefore give and compromise in relationships. Instead of abstinence, you learn to detach and not control, people-please, or obsess about others. You become more self-directed and autonomous.

• If you’re involved with an abuser or addict or grew up as the child of one, you may be afraid to displease your partner, and it can require great courage to break that pattern of conceding our power to someone else.

• Awareness. It’s said that denial is the hallmark of addiction. This is true whether you’re an alcoholic or in love with one. Not only do codependents deny their own addiction – whether to a drug, activity, or person – they deny their feelings, and especially their needs, particularly emotional needs for nurturing and real intimacy.You may have grown up in a family where you weren’t nurtured, your opinions and feelings weren’t respected, and your emotional needs weren’t adequately met. Over time, rather than risk rejection or criticism, you learned to ignore your needs and feelings and believed that you were wrong. Some decided to become self-sufficient or find comfort in sex, food, drugs, or work.All this leads to low self-esteem. To reverse these destructive habits, you first must become aware of them. The most damaging obstacle to self-esteem is negative self-talk. Most people aren’t aware of their internal voices that push and criticize them — their “Pusher,” “Perfectionist,” and “Critic.”¹

• Acceptance.Healing essentially involves self-acceptance. This is not only a step, but a life-long journey. People come to therapy to change themselves, not realizing that the work is about accepting themselves. Ironically, before you can change, you have to accept the situation. As they say, “What you resist, persists.”In recovery, more about yourself is revealed that requires acceptance, and life itself presents limitations and losses to accept. This is maturity. Accepting reality opens the doors of possibility. Change then happens. New ideas and energy emerge that previously stagnated from self-blame and fighting reality. For example, when you feel sad, lonely, or guilty, instead of making yourself feel worse, you have self-compassion, soothe yourself, and take steps to feel better.Self-acceptance means that you don’t have to please everyone for fear that they won’t like you. You honor your needs and unpleasant feelings and are forgiving of yourself and others. This goodwill toward yourself allows you to be self-reflective without being self-critical. Your self-esteem and confidence grow, and consequently, you don’t allow others to abuse you or tell you what to do. Instead of manipulating, you become more authentic and assertive, and are capable of greater intimacy.

• Action.Insight without action only gets you so far. In order to grow, self-awareness and self-acceptance must be accompanied by new behavior. This involves taking risks and venturing outside your comfort one. It may involve speaking up, trying something new, going somewhere alone, or setting a boundary. It also means setting internal boundaries by keeping commitments to yourself, or saying “no” to your Critic or other old habits you want to change. Instead of expecting others to meet all your needs and make you happy, you learn to take actions to meet them, and do things that give you fulfillment and satisfaction in your life.Each time you try out new behavior or take a risk, you learn something new about yourself and your feelings and needs. You’re creating a stronger sense of yourself, as well as self-confidence and self-esteem. This builds upon itself in a positive feedback loop vs. the downward spiral of codependency, which creates more fear, depression, and low self-esteem.Words are actions. They have power and reflect your self-esteem. Becoming assertive is a learning process and is perhaps the most powerful tool in recovery. Assertiveness requires that you know yourself and risk making that public. It entails setting limits. This is respecting and honoring yourself. You get to be the author of your life – what you’ll do and not do and how people will treat you.²