Everyone knows the famous quote “Oh, the tangled webs we weave, when first we learn to deceive” Let me talk a little about open deception.
I’m a person of open deception and by that i mean that I put on a face when I’m around people. Allow me to explain. You see, I’m a person with many anxieties, fears, sadness and trauma. However, if I showed people that part of me, I would open myself up to discrimination, hate and negative comments. I recently proved this through telling one person about me in depth. That person was supposedly my friend and I’m real careful about how I describe a friend. Basically, I do this thing where when someone is fairly new in my life, I tell them one or two things about myself that are true to see their reaction. I found that this one though disagreed with how I feel, kept coming around anyway. After only 2 weeks, she used it to her advantage that I was this person underneath and began verbally abusing me, mocking me and so on. Then she texts and calls later on as if nothing is wrong. Now, I didn’t answer the phone or the text however, I think that she’s trying to use me as a vent.
I’m the kind of person who’s done when I say I’m done and by that, there’s no real second chances. I figure in the case I listed above, if she’s that kind of person after only 2 weeks, what kind of nightmare friend would she be for an eternity. That’s the warning signs that help you to get out of something and fast! So now, you can tell sometimes when a person is wearing a mask unless like myself, they put on a really good poker face. After years of dealing with my emotions and masking them from the world, I’ve gotten pretty good at keeping it from people. Is this a good thing? Well, I’ll tell you the good and the bad.
The Good – It keeps people from knowing they can run over you, abuse you or telling you BS stories that never actually happened to them, in order to make you feel better.
The Bad – If something were to happen to you, say you collapsed or you died, it would leave the people around you completely confused about what happened to you. It makes you feel worse about yourself when you finally escape that social situation.
It doesn’t sound like much of a difference, either way there’s a negative to it and there’s not much you can do about that. Sure, you could tell everyone anything you want about yourself that’s true and end up taking the risks of them either leaving your life or making your business known to the whole world and both are very likely to happen. I believe that a part of being selectively deceptive by omitting information can be both valuable to you and also devastating at the same time. Here’s a prime example:
Say someone commits a crime and the Police interview the suspects mom and she has no clue about his thoughts or feelings prior to this crime, she’s very likely to say “My child wouldn’t do that, they weren’t that kind of person” and other people who do know what that person is about, shakes their head in disbelief. This is an example of a way that it can be detrimental to someone else and to yourself. In the first place, you didn’t think enough of it to go and get help before you did something horrible and you have your family and or friends puzzled as to what’s really going on.
Then you have on the other hand your thoughts, feelings and emotions. You worry that if you tell anyone how you feel, they are going to break out in negativity, make drama out of it or insist you’re crazy and need to get help. You know that you’re not crazy, you know you don’t need more drama and therefore, you’re going to make decisions about what to do. Some people commit suicide, they don’t want to live with the fact that everyone now knows their business. Some people check their self into a mental institution because, they have been convinced they are crazy. Some people start drinking, taking drugs or involving themselves in other risky behaviors, others go looking for love in the wrong places. There are so many different people in this world and you cannot assume that someone hasn’t been through anything or they aren’t struggling just because they have on a mask. If you’re not willing to deal with their issues or be a good support system for them, try to stay out of it. Don’t make a big scene to other people or social media.
A couple of weeks ago, my mother in law returned to her house with the Jehovah’s Witnesses and she picked up her things and we took her to her other son’s house. After we got close to his house, there was an argument about her religion and I believe I wrote about this when it first happened. It was the first time that I was so angry with her, I couldn’t say another word and decided I was completely done. So, my husband continued talking to her every few days over the phone but, I wanted nothing to do with her because of all the stress she has caused us. Now, she’s wanting to return to our house to stay and i’m honestly not having it!
We had to go to the city she lives in yesterday to go to the doctor and of course my husband decides to drop by her house and pick her up. We were driving around after my appointment and she waits until my husband gets out of the car and says “I need to talk to you”. I knew then that she was going to say something about the organization because she loves to catch me when I’m alone.
So she proceeds to tell me that she wants to return to our house but, that I’m not allowed to say anything else about her or the Jehovah’s Witnesses that she won’t tolerate it and that I make her uncomfortable and I’m in an outrage at this point. I said to her “This is not about how you feel, this is my home and I don’t want you or your material in my house”. So she ignores what I said and then says “I want to come back and you can take me to my Kingdom Hall meetings twice a week”. i was like No way! NO NO NO! I don’t want anything to do with her organization. I’m at the bottom of the rope now.
When we returned home after dropping her off, I told my husband that she doesn’t run the show around here and that I don’t want her back here staying and that I’m not taking her to Kingdom Hall and neither is he. if he wants something to do with her, he can do it over the phone or outside this house. Yes, this blog is a complete rant because as most of you know, I’m running on nothing at this point and I have no more patience for this. We cannot stay around each other or in the same house period!
So as many of you know, I have written a couple of blogs concerning my family life with my mother in law. I have become extremely frustrated with the way things are turning out. I’m starting to wonder if the Jehovah’s Witnesses are even part of this because, though she often uses Jehovah and what she’s learning inside the Kingdom Hall as her defense, it’s clear to me that this is more mental illness than anything.
She’s been staying with us for the past 3 weeks and it’s been nothing but trouble. She often gives me lectures on how a blanket that my son has, which was a gift from his grandpa is bad and is causing his Autism. It’s a Catholic blanket. He also has a ninja turtle blanket that she complains about. She will not allow him to watch Super Why, Popeye or anything she deems “inappropriate” though this is my house and I finally had enough and I said, if you don’t like the way we live, you can either go back to your house or go into your bedroom. She’s constantly walking through the house making loud sighs and slamming doors over seemingly nothing. I’ve grown tired of this ridiculous behavior.
Recently, she wanted to go to the Kingdom Hall up the street, we took her there but it was closed. She got extremely angry with us because we would not drive her 45 minutes to the next Kingdom Hall. She will not take any jokes whatsoever that are not even targeted towards her religion. She gets extremely frustrated with us because we won’t allow her to be a helicopter parent to our son and we won’t allow her to spoon feed him because, he’s big enough to feed himself. She’s also angry because we won’t allow her to rock him to sleep and run to him every time he whines. We’ve noticed that our son is beginning to revert back to a baby like stage since she’s been here. He’s not talking anymore, just babbling and making noise. He’s not walking much anymore, just crawling again. We want to take her home, 2 hours away but right now we don’t have the gas.
I wish someone would please tell me what my options are because I’m extremely burned out with this. On top of that, Christmas is coming up and she’s become very hostile about it. She’s been saying things like “I will not participate in the demon holiday and I will not allow you to keep me here while you celebrate the demon holiday”. I don’t want her here ruining my life further. I’m so sick of the temper tantrums and the nonsense she spews. I’ve just had enough. The only thing I hate is forcing her out of my son’s life because he doesn’t understand all of this but I know, as a parent I have to be protective of him and do what’s in his best interest and she’s doing more harm than good emotionally.
There are many people who marry someone without even considering what their in-laws will be like. I think that many people are in good favor with the in-laws in the beginning but, after the marriage has been going for a while, things start to go south. In my case, my in-laws hate me. You see, I’m not the same race as my husband and in his culture they have very strict beliefs on what a wife should be like. In this case, women are sex objects and they are also home-makers and nothing more. The women are supposed to obey what the man says and tolerate anything that happens, even if the man is abusive.
On the other hand, I was raised differently. It was not optional for a woman to work because, it took both incomes in order to pay all of the bills and have entertainment money as well such as going on vacation at least twice a year. The woman was not slave to the man. The man did his own laundry, cooking and never treated the woman as if she owed him anything. Due to this difference in cultures, my in-laws have decided that I’m an evil, outspoken witch. In fact, my mother in law truly believes that I’m the spawn of Satan because, I’m not a submissive wife who doesn’t defend myself.
Though everyone’s situation with their in-laws are different, the wife is usually subject to more stress from the husband’s family than vice-versa. This can often cause problems in the marriage and eventually, the man either has to choose between his wife or his family or, the wife decides she’s not willing to tolerate it any more and just leaves. It’s unclear why things are so bad between in-laws and married couples. In my experiences, the differences of opinion on everything, the difference in cultures and the way each of the people involved were raised has a lot to do with the conflicts. Almost always, the mother in law rejects her daughter in law because, she feels as though the daughter in law will never be worthy of her “Perfect son”.
Then, as the couple goes on to have children, often times the mother in law steps in and tries to tell her son or daughter what to do with their child and why their spouse is doing it all wrong. I’ve even heard of nightmare in-laws where they obtain a key to their child’s house and they go in whenever they want, rearrange things in the house and tell them what to do with their life and why it’s all screwed up. You rarely hear of this problem with father in laws and I assume it’s because, they are happy that their child grew up enough to move out, get married and give them grandchildren and almost always, the father in law is happy to just be free from raising children. However, the father in law always has the tough job of playing referee when the mother in law gets involved in things she shouldn’t.
For those who are experiencing problems with their in-laws, please leave a comment at the bottom of this blog and let me know what your experience has been and what you think of the above statements.