So many people sleep at night and they wake up like toast popping out of toasters. I’m not a fan of mornings or morning people so this doesn’t work the same way for me.
I have had Chronic Insomnia for as long as I can remember and I have always found it hard to fall asleep with or without sleep medicine at night. For me, being awake at night while everyone else in my house is sleeping, it gives me a chance to either blog or catch up on all of that work I couldn’t finish during the day. After all, it’s easier to clean up everything when no one is going behind you making a mess.
I honestly don’t see a big problem with insomnia but I, have also become used to being awake at night and it’s what works for me. I have been told that if I will go to bed early, I will feel great early in the morning. That was not true at all. I felt like crap the next morning even after, sleeping the recommended amount. As a matter of fact, even in the mornings, energy drinks, coffee and soda do not work for me to make me wake up and stay awake. So there it is, I function great at night and horribly during the day. I have never understood morning people and I probably never will.
I had a friend who was the most happy morning person you would ever know. She was wide open at 5:00 am and was able to sustain that energy level the entire day until at least 10 pm. I hated being around her in the morning because, I simply could not be awake much less talking that early (if I had slept). I’m sure you all know that super hyper morning person.
Chronic insomnia is something that people who don’t have it, don’t understand. You can tell they have no clue by the way they talk to you and talk about you. Suddenly, you’re this irresponsible person who’s immature and lazy. They are the kind of people who start making suggestions about taking substances like Melatonin. Why? So that your body can quickly adapt to it and not be able to sleep without it? NO THANKS! Well, I’ve been up the entire night now and I wrote this blog 9 months ago and forgot to publish it, must be all that sleep I’m missing lol. Thanks for reading!
In this blog I’m going to discuss bad associates and people who burn bridges, so that all of you can know what to look for.
There are many different types of friends in this world, let’s look at a few:
Friends for a season – These are the friends that are very temporary and only have one mission and that’s to feel better about themselves or to make you feel better
Friends for life – These are the friends who would fight the devil himself to protect you, they will only make judgments about your life that will help you and will support you no matter what
Fake friends – These are the one’s who have an agenda, who know they will need your help in some way or they want your spouse and think making friends with you is the easiest way.
Bridge Burners – These are the kind that are sheep in wolf’s clothing, they are out to make your life as miserable as possible for their own purpose.
I’m going to focus this blog on Bridge Burners because, I recently with through this with someone. I had a so called friend who was focused on “helping me” to get on my feet and had the agenda of getting me to sign up for her business. Now, that was all great for the first I don’t know 3 weeks. I kept my distance for the most part and let it play out. In the beginning I felt happy, later on I realized that this was no friendship and shortly thereafter, the true colors were shown. A bridge burner is someone who appears helpless or to need your help and basically fish for information and then burn their bridges with you. They will often turn on you at the drop of a hat, become cocky or rude and then flaunt all of their new learned information. They often take on the appearance of someone who’s well maintained and in somewhat control.
People who burn their bridges, often do not realize the impact or consequences of doing so and tend to repeat such action with every new person they meet. It’s almost like an endless cycle that will not stop until that person realizes that what they are doing, isn’t the answer. After so long, the person will understand that they have lost something that could have been potentially life changing for them. There are people like myself who refuses to follow up with someone that I’m done with. Other will people give many chances and though I believe in second chances, that has conditions. In my case, the person I’m referring to decided this was a funny matter and straight up said that they will say whatever they want to. That’s when you can tell that the person is enjoying being in control of the situation. The difference is, many people like myself, enjoy knowing that person not only isn’t in control but, that their time of fun and happiness will come to an end.
Now, there’s several things you must watch out for so that you can identify a bridge burner almost immediately.
They seem overly friendly, despite not knowing you
They have an agenda that’s likely known to you or appears to you
They have bipolar mimicking behaviors or thoughts
They seem to be entertained by your being in a bad situation or having less than they do
They constantly comment on what they do for you.
They list off “problems” that they have and look to you to repair it.
They often don’t have time for you or are rude when they finally do come around.
The above describes in detail the different ways to know if someone is going to be a bad associate or a bridge burner within the first month or so of associating with them. You must be extremely cautious around someone who starts to show the signs and make sure that you haven’t or don’t tell them much of anything about yourself, that you know is bad to get out. A bad associate or bridge burner will make sure they spread rumors about you or tell everything they know. They will become manipulative and hateful. For example, in my case the person was being unprofessional, rude, mocking, vengeful and had periods of bipolar moments and also making “joking” threats. Such as “I would love to slap you right now”. It’s the kind of person you cannot be exposed to for long periods. That usually is a clear indication that not only will they not be supportive of you but, they may turn into someone who becomes a legal problem to you and your family as well. The important thing is that you rid yourself of toxic people as quickly as possible!
Ah the bill, the one thing people dread getting in the mail especially, if you’re stuck in overdue nightmare. Many people will say they hate paying bills and so many have nothing left, it sucks the rest of any fun there might have been out.
Until November 2014, I wasn’t having to pay any bills except my cell phone. It felt good to have money to do whatever I wanted with it. I lived with in-laws and rent/utilities were never required. The problem with that was, you never heard the end of it anytime an argument started. Then everything changed, my husband, son and I moved into our first home that we own. We had put all of our money toward buying a house straight cash. No mortgages for us, we knew that’s an expense we couldn’t afford.
When we moved into our new home, we were thrilled with it. Finally a place of our own! A place that we were free to roam, turn the TV as loud as we want, play the radio, hang out, eat on the couch, stay up till whenever and just enjoying the space without anyone bitching. That freedom came with bills and boy are there plenty. Though we don’t have a mortgage, we do have cell phones, power bill, trash pickup, water, security system, internet, our son’s life insurance and car insurance. We do not subscribe to TV. We have Netflix and YouTube and that’s all we’ll need. We cannot see paying more than $60/month for TV service. It couldn’t be more difficult considering as of this moment, we’re bringing in less than $700 a month total. So here’s what we started out doing
For the first 5 months, we paid our bills as soon as they came in and we realized we had nothing left to get through the rest of the month. Well that obviously doesn’t work but, we also didn’t want to get behind on bills. So what do you do? Well, we just realized that we have to make it through the month and that these companies are not going to shut off your power, water and so on if you’re trying to make the payments. So the next month, we found out who is willing to let us pay half of the bill and that’s what we have been doing every since. It works out great, it gets us through the month or at least most of the way and we still have money for those unexpected expenses and of course all of the expenses associated with kids.
The key is to not let yourself go broke. These companies can wait! The only companies that aren’t that flexible are car insurance and cell phones (particularly prepaid cell phones) If you don’t pay that bill the day it’s due, you won’t have it. Though we barely have anything to get us through the month, I very much enjoy paying bills. I enjoy feeling like the adult I am, knowing that everything is getting paid and no one is helping us do it. It’s great because, you don’t have anyone running behind you, throwing it up in your face constantly about them paying your bills.
Now, I know this might sound strange to all of you but, it’s like this, for far too long I was in a situation where paying any kind of bill other than personal expenses was the norm and though it’s great and everything, it makes you just less of an adult and more co-dependent. The key is also determining what can you live without and what would you rather have instead. For us, we can’t see paying a lot of money for cell phone service. So my husband and I found the cheapest option available. We both have unlimited text, data and calls for $35/month (each). We managed to save up enough (while we were living with relatives) to purchase Samsung Galaxy S3’s and that’s what we have stuck with for the past 2 years. There’s no reason to get the newest and latest phones, it’s an added expense that many people can’t really afford.
When it comes to TV subscription, why are you paying satellite companies so much money every month? Some people are paying up to $200/month. Why? Just to catch a favorite show? Everything and I mean everything will end up on YouTube (sometimes daily) and Netflix covers all of your favorite shows and yes, you’ll have to wait a short time before they’re available but, it’s $7.99 a month. Imagine what you can do with the remainder of the money. Want to watch the latest sports game? Go to any bar or restaurant with a TV and watch it for FREE! Some even stream live from home if you look for the right websites on Google. I mean seriously, save yourself some money! These days people are going broke believing they must have the newest of everything or be the first to watch or do something.
When it comes to clothes, buy second hand. Don’t go wasting a bunch of money buying at over priced stores like the mall. You can get very nice clothing that sometimes still has the tags on it from Goodwill (ewww? NO it’s gently used clothing that can be washed). If you insist on buying from a store, many of the same items you would buy at 3 times the price at Macy’s or some store in the mall, can be found at Walmart, Target and TJ Maxx. Why overspend?
Ladies, your shoes, hair and nail expenses. Seriously? You don’t have to pay high prices. I know you’re going to snub at this but, have you seen the beautiful manicure design kits that you can do yourself? Did you know that they sell them at the dollar stores? Did you know that they are often made by the same companies that you pay twice the price for? Yes, dollar stores especially Dollar Tree, they sell name brand products too like Revlon. The same goes for many other items you might use such as notepads, pens, decorations for parties, all holiday and events cards are 50 cents each and they look just as nice. They also have shampoo’s, conditioners, hair brushes and many other self care need products. They even sell quality medicines like Ibuprofen, Heat/Cold patches for pain, arthritis cream, band aids, razors etc… They sell Betty Crocker cookware, beautiful glass drinking glasses, porcelain plates that are beautifully decorated, all your kitchen stuff such as aluminum foil, plastic bags, trash bags, sponges, toilet plungers, even cleaning products and much much more! Don’t overspend on things you can buy at the dollar stores that are seriously the same quality as the higher priced stores! It’s not all plastic junk like you think it is!
At some point, you have to decide that you’re tired of being broke. That you’re tired of not being able to afford that vacation that you always wanted to go to. That you need emergency money for those unexpected life surprises such as, an expensive car part for that car that just broke down. Thank you for reading my blog and I hope you’ll take my advice on living frugal.
There are many people who marry someone without even considering what their in-laws will be like. I think that many people are in good favor with the in-laws in the beginning but, after the marriage has been going for a while, things start to go south. In my case, my in-laws hate me. You see, I’m not the same race as my husband and in his culture they have very strict beliefs on what a wife should be like. In this case, women are sex objects and they are also home-makers and nothing more. The women are supposed to obey what the man says and tolerate anything that happens, even if the man is abusive.
On the other hand, I was raised differently. It was not optional for a woman to work because, it took both incomes in order to pay all of the bills and have entertainment money as well such as going on vacation at least twice a year. The woman was not slave to the man. The man did his own laundry, cooking and never treated the woman as if she owed him anything. Due to this difference in cultures, my in-laws have decided that I’m an evil, outspoken witch. In fact, my mother in law truly believes that I’m the spawn of Satan because, I’m not a submissive wife who doesn’t defend myself.
Though everyone’s situation with their in-laws are different, the wife is usually subject to more stress from the husband’s family than vice-versa. This can often cause problems in the marriage and eventually, the man either has to choose between his wife or his family or, the wife decides she’s not willing to tolerate it any more and just leaves. It’s unclear why things are so bad between in-laws and married couples. In my experiences, the differences of opinion on everything, the difference in cultures and the way each of the people involved were raised has a lot to do with the conflicts. Almost always, the mother in law rejects her daughter in law because, she feels as though the daughter in law will never be worthy of her “Perfect son”.
Then, as the couple goes on to have children, often times the mother in law steps in and tries to tell her son or daughter what to do with their child and why their spouse is doing it all wrong. I’ve even heard of nightmare in-laws where they obtain a key to their child’s house and they go in whenever they want, rearrange things in the house and tell them what to do with their life and why it’s all screwed up. You rarely hear of this problem with father in laws and I assume it’s because, they are happy that their child grew up enough to move out, get married and give them grandchildren and almost always, the father in law is happy to just be free from raising children. However, the father in law always has the tough job of playing referee when the mother in law gets involved in things she shouldn’t.
For those who are experiencing problems with their in-laws, please leave a comment at the bottom of this blog and let me know what your experience has been and what you think of the above statements.