Thoughts

All posts in the Thoughts category

My Intolerance of people

Published August 11, 2015 by Amplio Recorrido

Stressed

If you have a general intolerance of society or people or you know someone who has this problem, please read this blog to find out more about it, straight from someone who has the problem.

Over the years I’ve lost a lot of people that meant everything to me. People who died and it took a toll on me. I started growing an intolerance to people as I started losing people. The people who meant everything to me, were the people that I could look up to in order to have a good goal in mind of what I wanted to be like. Not that I need to copy someone else but, when you have positive people in your life, you tend to want to be somewhat like them. When those people started dying off, I felt like I didn’t have anyone that I could model their behavior and therefore, I gained an intolerance to people.

My views of people are many and usually negative. I have an intolerance to people who behave badly, scream in public, ignore their kids who are destroying stuff or screaming, fighting among couples, an annoying husband who yells at his wife to come on 20 times in 10 seconds, people who scream at strangers on the road or in cars, who don’t listen, who always do the opposite of what you say, those who play the victim all of the time, those who choose to be “clueless or stupid” when they really are just lazy and oh I could go on and on.

As I’m getting older and the people I cared most about have almost all died off, I find myself heading in a direction that I don’t necessarily like but, I’m also indifferent to what people think about me too. For the simple fact that I don’t do any of the things that I hate from others, I somehow expect people to just get it together and stop acting like complete assholes! I’m sorry for the language but, if I’m passionate enough to write about it then you know it really bothers me. 

I do not have an intolerance to the elderly, small children or the mentally/physically handicapped. They all have reasons for their behavior and it usually cannot be controlled and therefore, it would be unfair of me to be impatient with them. 

I often wonder why people act the way they do. Do they not realize what an obnoxious person they are being? Can they not control their behaviors and their respect for people around them? I almost always avoid society and being in public. When I do go out, I find myself more stressed out and annoyed even after completely minimizing my time out. When I get of public, I feel a sense of relief and for the same reason, I don’t drive. I cannot stand people on the road, they are inconsiderate and dangerous and so if I could avoid being on the road at all, I would! 

So this blog is based around my “at minimum” thoughts which basically means, these are my generalized thoughts and feelings and this blog isn’t a complete explanation of what I go through. However, I hope that it’s of some value to you and that you can somewhat understand my point of view. Thank you!! 

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The Tangled Webs We Weave

Published June 5, 2015 by Amplio Recorrido

Everyone knows the famous quote “Oh, the tangled webs we weave, when first we learn to deceive” Let me talk a little about open deception. 

I’m a person of open deception and by that i mean that I put on a face when I’m around people. Allow me to explain. You see, I’m a person with many anxieties, fears, sadness and trauma. However, if I showed people that part of me, I would open myself up to discrimination, hate and negative comments. I recently proved this through telling one person about me in depth. That person was supposedly my friend and I’m real careful about how I describe a friend. Basically, I do this thing where when someone is fairly new in my life, I tell them one or two things about myself that are true to see their reaction. I found that this one though disagreed with how I feel, kept coming around anyway.  After only 2 weeks, she used it to her advantage that I was this person underneath and began verbally abusing me, mocking me and so on. Then she texts and calls later on as if nothing is wrong. Now, I didn’t answer the phone or the text however, I think that she’s trying to use me as a vent.

I’m the kind of person who’s done when I say I’m done and by that, there’s no real second chances. I figure in the case I listed above, if she’s that kind of person after only 2 weeks, what kind of nightmare friend would she be for an eternity. That’s the warning signs that help you to get out of something and fast! So now, you can tell sometimes when a person is wearing a mask unless like myself, they put on a really good poker face. After years of dealing with my emotions and masking them from the world, I’ve gotten pretty good at keeping it from people. Is this a good thing? Well, I’ll tell you the good and the bad.

The Good – It keeps people from knowing they can run over you, abuse you or telling you BS stories that never actually happened to them, in order to make you feel better.

The Bad – If something were to happen to you, say you collapsed or you died, it would leave the people around you completely confused about what happened to you. It makes you feel worse about yourself when you finally escape that social situation.

It doesn’t sound like much of a difference, either way there’s a negative to it and there’s not much you can do about that. Sure, you could tell everyone anything you want about yourself that’s true and end up taking the risks of them either leaving your life or making your business known to the whole world and both are very likely to happen. I believe that a part of being selectively deceptive by omitting information can be both valuable to you and also devastating at the same time. Here’s a prime example:

Say someone commits a crime and the Police interview the suspects mom and she has no clue about his thoughts or feelings prior to this crime, she’s very likely to say “My child wouldn’t do that, they weren’t that kind of person” and other people who do know what that person is about, shakes their head in disbelief. This is an example of a way that it can be detrimental to someone else and to yourself. In the first place, you didn’t think enough of it to go and get help before you did something horrible and you have your family and or friends puzzled as to what’s really going on.

Then you have on the other hand your thoughts, feelings and emotions. You worry that if you tell anyone how you feel, they are going to break out in negativity, make drama out of it or insist you’re crazy and need to get help. You know that you’re not crazy, you know you don’t need more drama and therefore, you’re going to make decisions about what to do. Some people commit suicide, they don’t want to live with the fact that everyone now knows their business. Some people check their self into a mental institution because, they have been convinced they are crazy. Some people start drinking, taking drugs or involving themselves in other risky behaviors, others go looking for love in the wrong places. There are so many different people in this world and you cannot assume that someone hasn’t been through anything or they aren’t struggling just because they have on a mask. If you’re not willing to deal with their issues or be a good support system for them, try to stay out of it. Don’t make a big scene to other people or social media.

I hope you have enjoyed my blog!

 

Huge Thank You to all my Followers!

Published May 18, 2015 by Amplio Recorrido

Thank-you

I just wanted to give a shout out to all of you wonderful bloggers who have followed me and supported me! Thank you because without you, this would all be very pointless. 

You all have inspired me in some form or another to continue to write and I appreciate those of you who have remained loyal to my blog! Writing is a passion for me, it’s a part of me and it fills that void when I cannot say in person what I need to say. It has made me into who I am today, it brings me great joy to share the hardships, the fun, the happiness, the stress, the issues of the world and to share that with everyone who is in need of hearing the words they wish they could express. I love each and every one of you so Thank You!! 

The Autistic Toddler

Published October 15, 2014 by Amplio Recorrido

When my now 19 month old son was 17 months, I started noticing signs that seemed off about him. I knew the typical toddler behaviors but my son, was different. I had already known the signs of autism from all of my medical research/background. Yes, he was very different. During the day he seems really focused on tapping things a certain number of times, holding his ears at the slightest noise and getting extremely emotional over seemingly nothing. He also had other odd things such as being focused on only saying a few words, doing the same thing every day and cowering at the thought of talking to people he doesn’t know or being around children.

Having an Autistic child is very difficult and having an Autistic Toddler is extremely exhausting. I can easily say that I was not prepared for this but, I’m doing the best I know how. Thank God for support groups. So anyway, my son is so focused on the few things he’s obsessed with that he doesn’t like anything to change or go wrong in his routine and therefore, we basically work around his schedule.

For example: My son likes to play with the pup’s we have, go outside and play with his rocks and grass (When I say his, I mean that he has chosen pebbles that go every where with him), go to the store, play with all of the playground balls that he has and tap on things.

That may seem like a lot but, with him it’s so limited and he’s so focused on everything that he does, he’s not interested in anything else. Sometimes he even wakes up in the middle of the night to perform his “rituals”. It’s very stressful because well, my husband and I don’t get much sleep and it’s hard for us to change his schedule at all. Now, some people have actually said to me “He’s a kid, you’re the boss, just make him do what you want”. It’s not that way with an Autistic Toddler, it simply doesn’t work because, unlike temper tantrums that most toddler’s have, our son actually has full on mental breakdowns that make it impossible for him to function.

He is also extremely attached to three items of his, a stuffed caterpillar, a blanket with whales on it and his pebble rocks. Those items have to go along with us any where we go.

I think that Autism is very much misunderstood by those who don’t know anyone that has it and everything is difficult with an Autistic child. For instance, even simple tasks such as bathing, changing his pull up, changing clothes, putting him to bed, talking loud (even if we’re not speaking to him), public environments, being around other kids etc. it becomes very intense and very stressful to just do simple things that some people take for granted.

To know that our son may never fully develop and that he may need help the rest of his life is almost devastating. Will he be able to have a family? Will he be able to ever have a career or go to college? We don’t know the answer to that yet and we won’t even be able to guess that until he’s much older. For anyone who has an autistic child, I’m sure you can relate to these things. Whether or not you have an autistic child, please comment on this blog and tell me your thoughts.