If you have a general intolerance of society or people or you know someone who has this problem, please read this blog to find out more about it, straight from someone who has the problem.
Over the years I’ve lost a lot of people that meant everything to me. People who died and it took a toll on me. I started growing an intolerance to people as I started losing people. The people who meant everything to me, were the people that I could look up to in order to have a good goal in mind of what I wanted to be like. Not that I need to copy someone else but, when you have positive people in your life, you tend to want to be somewhat like them. When those people started dying off, I felt like I didn’t have anyone that I could model their behavior and therefore, I gained an intolerance to people.
My views of people are many and usually negative. I have an intolerance to people who behave badly, scream in public, ignore their kids who are destroying stuff or screaming, fighting among couples, an annoying husband who yells at his wife to come on 20 times in 10 seconds, people who scream at strangers on the road or in cars, who don’t listen, who always do the opposite of what you say, those who play the victim all of the time, those who choose to be “clueless or stupid” when they really are just lazy and oh I could go on and on.
As I’m getting older and the people I cared most about have almost all died off, I find myself heading in a direction that I don’t necessarily like but, I’m also indifferent to what people think about me too. For the simple fact that I don’t do any of the things that I hate from others, I somehow expect people to just get it together and stop acting like complete assholes! I’m sorry for the language but, if I’m passionate enough to write about it then you know it really bothers me.
I do not have an intolerance to the elderly, small children or the mentally/physically handicapped. They all have reasons for their behavior and it usually cannot be controlled and therefore, it would be unfair of me to be impatient with them.
I often wonder why people act the way they do. Do they not realize what an obnoxious person they are being? Can they not control their behaviors and their respect for people around them? I almost always avoid society and being in public. When I do go out, I find myself more stressed out and annoyed even after completely minimizing my time out. When I get of public, I feel a sense of relief and for the same reason, I don’t drive. I cannot stand people on the road, they are inconsiderate and dangerous and so if I could avoid being on the road at all, I would!
So this blog is based around my “at minimum” thoughts which basically means, these are my generalized thoughts and feelings and this blog isn’t a complete explanation of what I go through. However, I hope that it’s of some value to you and that you can somewhat understand my point of view. Thank you!!
I was watching a documentary today called “You’re not splitting up my family”. I’m shocked by how the twin boys were being treated by their father and grandma. Their mother passed away and were being raised by their father who’s an alcoholic and who’s abusive. He kept calling the boys a bastard and telling the social workers that he was going to kill them.
The boys were constantly in trouble at just 12 years old. They were having a lot of trouble with their mom’s death, their grandma hated them and wanted nothing to do with them. It seems that she caused a lot of the anger that the twin’s father had as she was an abusive grandma.
Social services continued to stay in their lives and see them for a little more than 12 weeks before removing them from their home with the father. They were both placed with an Aunt and Uncle. The father didn’t have any interest in being back in their lives. He would often say in front of them that he hated them and wanted nothing to do with them. The grandma said the same. I can’t imagine a life like that but, I’m not surprised by their behavior. To see how it was affecting the boys to know they weren’t wanted by anyone except their Aunt and Uncle. It’s just horrible.
When the boys were 22, they were caught back up with the camera crew who asked them what their lives had been like from age 12-22. The boys had been in quite a bit of trouble, in and out in jail. The camera lady then went to see the grandma who said she wanted nothing to do with the boys still. That she was now blind and didn’t want them stealing from her. She’s happy that they were taken away. Then they met up with the father who’s still drinking heavily and wants nothing to do with the boys either. He claims that he wants them to get their life straightened out yet, he doesn’t have his life straightened out. The one son now has a son and he wants to be a good father to his son. The other one is constantly in and out of jail, homeless and on drugs.
This is just a basic summary of the documentary but, the reason I wrote this blog is because I was so shocked at how parents hate their children, how having no one affects a child and how the father and grandma in this situation are to blame for the boys behavior. What would you do if you were in this situation? If you have been in this situation, please tell me what it was like.
Here’s the link to the documentary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqMRoGBxegE
Here’s the thing, I try to get along with everyone and that’s not always possible but for the most part, I’m a loving person until you cross the line. Allow me to explain. (This blog was written 8 months ago and never published until now)
My brother in law is the type of person who manages to upset most anyone who gets to know him. Originally I thought, maybe he’s just not a likable person because he’s not controlling his tongue but now, I’m starting to believe that he intentionally does things to make people angry. In the first place, he’s always getting into our business and trying to run things. He’s always been very controlling with anyone who crosses his path and he loses most everyone in his life because of it. There are some people that I truly believe hate their self so much, they take it out on the world and hate them too. Who am I to pass judgment? That doesn’t really apply here considering he goes out of his way to make mine and my husband’s life hell. He’s always running to the remainder of the family and telling them lies about us and spreading rumors that have no backing. We have tried to stay away from him as much as possible but, the lies and rumors continue. I wrote a previous blog concerning my mother in law and she’s bad for considering her “baby” perfect and she always finds fault in her oldest son (my husband). She’s always telling my brother in law our business and they constantly sit and talk about us.
Normally, I would be ignoring this kind of behavior but, our lives have been affected by this so badly that we cannot breathe without being condemned. He even goes as far as to tell us how to take care of our child yet, he does not take care of his and never has. My husband once made the mistake of helping him out with a credit card, he ran up thousands of dollars and still to this day has not paid it back and doesn’t care that my husband’s credit is now ruined. Family or not, that’s someone that you cannot trust and want nothing to do with. This is someone who has never been mature, who refuses to pay his bills or hold down a job. Instead, he spends all of his money on movies, eating out, video games and going in debt for electronics. Really? When you owe someone a lot of money, the least you could do is make an effort to pay them back. I have told my husband multiple times that I’m completely done with his family and he has the choice to either stand by them or walk away but, I feel like that my son should not be in their lives because they are horrible influences and sleezy people.
UPDATE 7-12-2015 – We are no longer associating with my brother in law other than the occasional phone call. He no longer lives near us and we haven’t seen him in many months. It’s honestly better for all of us but, he still hasn’t forked over any of the money he owes us.
I want to talk to everyone concerning Christian’s vs Atheists due to a high amount of harassment and threats towards Christian’s. I think this is important because, I too am a victim of this.
I’m a Christian and I love God very much but, like many Christians, I’m being harassed and threatened on a daily basis for my beliefs. Let me explain. You see, every time I get on websites such as Facebook, YouTube, Yahoo Answers and so forth, as soon as someone finds out I’m a Christian I always get attacked. There are several statements that are always made by Atheists.
“Screw you and your fake God”
“You’re a faggot believing in that flying man in the sky”
“You’re a dumb b****”
“Your God is sadistic for allowing people to die and kids to go hungry”
“Go f*** yourself and f*** your God”
Now those are just a few of the things I hear often and as you can see, they are very much inappropriate. All of that just for believing in God and I don’t understand it because, in the first place I’m not hurting anyone. My lifestyle doesn’t affect anyone else as I’m not pushing God onto them. I don’t go around quoting scripture or telling people they are going to hell so what’s the big deal?
There’s several reasons these people give for hating Christian’s and so many of them have nothing to do with me. For instance, any story of a “Christian” that has been involved in some sort of scandal including sexual assaults, that’s when the God bashers eyes light up and they go on full attack mode. Then, they often use God as if he’s the reason behind it. You also have people committing illegal acts in the name of God and therefore, God must be the reason behind it. What Atheists fail to understand is that those people have underlying mental issues and just because they hear a voice that says it’s God, doesn’t mean that it is and always isn’t God and therefore, just because someone says something like that for the reason they committed something heinous, doesn’t have anything to do with being a Christian.
The other side of this is people wanting to make arguments for Science, Darwinism and other views pertaining to the world. For instance, Richard Dawkins had one of his many rant events and he looked up and said “God if you’re real, you’re welcome to come down and join us and show yourself” and then everyone burst into laughter. They believe it’s incredibly funny to say ridiculous things. Nevermind that, it’s their problem and not mine. The point is, if you’re going to be an ass, be one in the mirror and not towards innocent people. I can’t prove to you that there’s a God as my experience with God, is greatly different than someone else’s. I have my own personal reasons for it and it has nothing to do with coercion, preachers, church or anyone else.
Regardless of your thoughts on God or the lack thereof, you do not have the right to make someone else’s life miserable. The people out there who are Atheists or claiming to be one are obsessed with seeking out Christian’s and running them into the ground. They laugh, mock, threaten and carry on as if they are some billy badass. You’re not, you’re just an ass. The world is incredibly messed up at this point. We as a society especially the God believers are expected to give up all of our rights. We’ve had our bible classes, bible and any other religious material stripped away from our children in schools and have replaced it with homosexual materials which we are forced to “accept”. Recently, there was a story going around the internet about a school that was reading a story to elementary student’s about Gay Marriage. So, we’re sending our kids to school to learn about gays and “equal rights” and not anything educational. More and more small children are having sex, being taught they are transgender and gay/lesbian/bi. I’m sorry but, no child should be coerced or forced into being an adult in a child’s body. I do not believe that any elementary child should be involved in any adult issues including sex of any kind or learning about sex of any kind that includes heterosexual sex. Children at that age shouldn’t be learning anything that’s not going to benefit them in the future.
I’m not expecting that children be against those who are adults and choose to be homosexual, I’m against children learning about all of the different things that homosexual and heterosexual couples do at a young age. I’m concerned that children are becoming pregnant at even the youngest ages of 11 years old. I’m concerned that Christian children aren’t allowed to quietly read their bible in school or wear a cross necklace because it makes people butthurt who are afraid of their Atheists children becoming Christian. That’s hate too, that’s what people don’t get. When you’re not accepting a child who believes in God and you’re teaching your children to bash those who believe in God, you’re creating bullies. I do not endorse any bullies and that includes children who are forced into a homosexual lifestyle, a Christian lifestyle or an Atheist lifestyle. We need to get ourselves worked out and stop infringing on the rights as children to just be children! If you want to bash me for that, go ahead! It has nothing to do with my believing in God, it’s about being human and being moral in all ways.
I recently read comments from a man who believed that he was the king of his castle and that a woman’s sole purpose was to serve him. I found this quite odd as he insisted that his woman would not work and she would obey him. To me, this is controlling and abusive. Have you ever met anyone who was like this? It’s quite an old fashion way of thinking and on top of that it’s really obnoxious. Even more odd, he claims that the woman is satisfied doing this for him, though I doubt very seriously she’s happy.
Women don’t have a “sole purpose” as every woman is different and women can do anything a man can do and should be allowed the opportunity. After all, we’re not living in a world where women don’t have rights. I’m not saying this because I’m a woman, I’m saying this because it seems odd. Some men act as though they cannot do anything for their self and probably could not wash their own clothes if that woman was gone. So for me, I find these pigest men to be ignorant if anything, as they cannot do much of anything for their self. I could however understand if this man lived or lives in a country where it’s common to put all the work off on the woman. This man however is a white american and that makes him seem abusive.
This man also stated that it’s not his responsibility to care for his biological kids physically, only financially. I’m sorry but, this is what’s wrong with kids today and why some kids are better off without their fathers. I’m sure there are plenty of men in the world who would love to be good fathers and role model’s to these kids that are apparently unwanted. I honestly don’t see how these men are given children by God. That’s an entire different story though and I will try not to get side tracked.
I have seen multiple men who are abusive on TV and even in public. As a matter of fact, I was at a park last week and I noticed that a woman was standing at the car of her apparent ex and then I noticed they had two kids and were meeting to switch custody for the weekend. What caught my eye was the man cursing and threatening the woman and her son. He was making a complete fool of himself and I was very worried about the child’s safety and her’s. He was telling her how useless she was and was threatening to hit the kid in the head. I thought “Yes buddy, hit either of them and I will take you out”. I honestly see no purpose in being so abusive towards the mother of your child and certainly not the kids. I also thought “Why is this woman not filing for emergency custody and then full custody”. I would not let my child go with that man even if he had court ordered visitation and when he called the cops, I would have him arrested for making threats and then he definitely wouldn’t be seeing my kids any time soon.
So the big question is, what causes some men to think they are inferior to women and what causes these reactions towards them? What makes a man think that a woman is only good for housekeeping and sex? I think that whether a man works or not, he should still be responsible for half of all the work at home. Having a job doesn’t stop so many good men from helping their wives. It’s both responsibility and this man was actually trying to quote scripture claiming that God made women for housekeeping and sex. I wrote to him “Even the devil can quote scripture”. I’m sorry but, I have a serious problem with men who abuse and control their women and then use God as their reason for doing it. People like the man on the internet and the one at the park, deserve to die a lonely death.
Have you ever met anyone like the 2 men I have described? Please tell me your thoughts in the comments below! Thanks for reading!
The one subject that can put people of all ages into a frenzy but, it’s become a serious problem in the United States. Anyone who has Facebook or reads the news, is aware of too many stories of people abusing or neglecting their kids.
Most recently, there have been many stories about parents who leave their kids in hot cars while they do whatever it is they like. This has caused so many heated arguments and as I was reading through these comments, I realized that many people were outraged that a parent would do this and there were a few people who were on the fence about it. All in all, many people could not understand why these parents were doing this and why they had custody of their kids to begin with. I personally feel that no child should be left in a car whether it’s hot, cold or perfect weather. It’s not much to do with the weather but rather, it’s a fast way to get the attention of someone who may want to kidnap your kids or drive off with your car. Then you have the child getting out of the car seat and pulling the car out of gear or leaving the vehicle and becoming lost. It’s simply irresponsible to leave your child alone whether in the car, at the store or at home.
Then there are the other parents who intentionally abandon their kids because they don’t want them or they are trying to hide them because, mommy has a new man and he doesn’t want kids.
Finally, you have children who are being abused and sometimes to the point of death. I have read many news stories and seen many documentaries where children were being locked in a room or a cold basement. Where those children were either being raped, beaten or starved. These types of things happen all the time and most of those kids will never receive help.
I think that if people are annoyed with their kids or simply don’t want them and they have already given birth, no matter the age they should give them over to the Department of Social Services and sign over their rights. This way, the child doesn’t have to suffer and the parents don’t have to suffer.
When my now 19 month old son was 17 months, I started noticing signs that seemed off about him. I knew the typical toddler behaviors but my son, was different. I had already known the signs of autism from all of my medical research/background. Yes, he was very different. During the day he seems really focused on tapping things a certain number of times, holding his ears at the slightest noise and getting extremely emotional over seemingly nothing. He also had other odd things such as being focused on only saying a few words, doing the same thing every day and cowering at the thought of talking to people he doesn’t know or being around children.
Having an Autistic child is very difficult and having an Autistic Toddler is extremely exhausting. I can easily say that I was not prepared for this but, I’m doing the best I know how. Thank God for support groups. So anyway, my son is so focused on the few things he’s obsessed with that he doesn’t like anything to change or go wrong in his routine and therefore, we basically work around his schedule.
For example: My son likes to play with the pup’s we have, go outside and play with his rocks and grass (When I say his, I mean that he has chosen pebbles that go every where with him), go to the store, play with all of the playground balls that he has and tap on things.
That may seem like a lot but, with him it’s so limited and he’s so focused on everything that he does, he’s not interested in anything else. Sometimes he even wakes up in the middle of the night to perform his “rituals”. It’s very stressful because well, my husband and I don’t get much sleep and it’s hard for us to change his schedule at all. Now, some people have actually said to me “He’s a kid, you’re the boss, just make him do what you want”. It’s not that way with an Autistic Toddler, it simply doesn’t work because, unlike temper tantrums that most toddler’s have, our son actually has full on mental breakdowns that make it impossible for him to function.
He is also extremely attached to three items of his, a stuffed caterpillar, a blanket with whales on it and his pebble rocks. Those items have to go along with us any where we go.
I think that Autism is very much misunderstood by those who don’t know anyone that has it and everything is difficult with an Autistic child. For instance, even simple tasks such as bathing, changing his pull up, changing clothes, putting him to bed, talking loud (even if we’re not speaking to him), public environments, being around other kids etc. it becomes very intense and very stressful to just do simple things that some people take for granted.
To know that our son may never fully develop and that he may need help the rest of his life is almost devastating. Will he be able to have a family? Will he be able to ever have a career or go to college? We don’t know the answer to that yet and we won’t even be able to guess that until he’s much older. For anyone who has an autistic child, I’m sure you can relate to these things. Whether or not you have an autistic child, please comment on this blog and tell me your thoughts.
We have all seen homeless people at one point or another. Many people refer to them as “Trash”, “Druggies” and “Lazy”. However, what do we really know about these people who appear to be useless trash littering the streets? Well let’s start out with a few facts
NOT all homeless people use drugs
NOT all homeless people are lazy
NOT all homeless people have bad intentions
You might be thinking that I’m an advocate for the homeless and in a way I am. You see, there have been many times where I have given money to select homeless people and I’m not talking about your average coins. I’m fairly good at determining who will use the money for things they really need and who won’t. None of us who help the homeless know where our money goes after we hand it off.
America is supposed to be a land of opportunity but, we have found fairly fast that our current President (like many previous president’s) misuses a lot of the money printed. We’re all aware of the trillions of dollars being spent on useless wars, lavish trips for the President and his family and even state of the art rehab facilities for Sex Offenders. It’s no secret that money is not being spent on using abandoned buildings to create large shelters for the homeless in any state.
Though money would be well spent if the President had his head on straight and chose to help the citizens of the United States first, this will be very unlikely to happen in the near or far future. This is due to each new President trying to follow the lead of the previous president. As you all know, the last 3 president’s have spent countless American dollars on things that do not benefit America.
So, who will care for the homeless? Many people go about their daily life and ignore the homeless and some even make petitions to have them removed from their make shift homes. After all, no one wants to look at eye sores right? What we all fail to realize is, any one of us could become homeless at any time. No one is guaranteed their jobs will last and many people will have been laid off in order for those jobs to be transferred overseas or people will simply be replaced by new, fast technology like Robots and Drones.
When talking about what are the options of the homeless, you must keep an open mind. In the first place, many homeless people have lost their jobs, their homes, their families and have very little left over. Finding a new job becomes harder when you have limited experience, you have no address or phone number to list on your application, you cannot arrive to an interview dirty, you have no resume to go along with your application, etc. It’s hard enough for people who are not homeless and who have degrees to get a job. At this point, most all jobs are impossible to get.
Another myth about the homeless is that they are all drug users or alcoholic’s. This is a poor assumption as some homeless, have never been addicted to either and even if they are, you must realize that being on the streets is the hardest thing you can imagine. It’s no life for anyone and those people suffer badly every single day.
Many homeless people become criminals over time as they become more desperate to survive and usually pocket change isn’t enough to sustain them. They also may commit crimes in order to have shelter and even though jail is hard, it’s still food and a place to sleep. This does not mean that all homeless people do these things but, who could blame them if they did?!
There are many abandoned buildings all across the United States and some have been recently closed. Some of these buildings such as old factories or even hospitals could be a great place for the homeless to live. In particular, a hospital that has been closed down would allow many homeless to occupy the floors and each one would have their own room and bathroom and sometimes even put two people to a room. Now, the funding part is a different story. When it comes to funding an operation like this, many people will need to pitch in and since we already pay taxes for things like overseas wars and lavish trips, the tax money would be better suited to pay for the homeless to survive in these already built buildings. It would also be possible if more people would chip in to help. It surprises me how many people complain about having to deal with the homeless but, won’t chip in for something that would get them off the streets and out of your hair.
I believe that if more people would take the time to actually talk with these people, you will realize fast that they are normal people who have been under bad circumstance for far too long. However, you cannot categorize all homeless people as belonging to one group like “Drug user” etc.. as a matter of fact, many of the homeless people I have talked to have stated that they were once married and had children but, they lost their jobs (due to no fault of their own) and they were unable to sustain their self or their families and ended up on the streets.
It has become a situation where, many of the homeless have no where to go at all. Some have families who abandoned them a long time ago and others cannot get into a shelter because, they are packed too full and no one else is allowed inside. This is a terrible situation to be in and you must keep an open mind and decide what you would do in this position as it’s too easy for people to say “Get a job, bum”. Think about what you say before you say it. The fact is, you don’t know the person and you don’t know what they are going through and therefore, you cannot judge them. This is simply about having the respect for another human being who has been unable to get their head above water. They are no different than yourself other than, you’re privileged and they are not.
If everyone would take the time to pitch in by donating blankets to them, taking them old clothes you don’t need, make extra sandwiches and bring some water (feeding them), sitting down and talking with them, just being supportive can make all the difference for these folks. You don’t need a lot of money to help them, just sharing what you already have can go a long way. I want everyone to please consider what I have said and pass the message along. Thank you for reading my blog on homelessness.
As a person who has lived most of my adult life as a co-dependent, I must say that it’s one of the most difficult things a person can go through. For myself, being co-dependent can be frustrating because, there’s a constant need for having someone around even if you don’t need their help.
Most co-dependent people are often seen as unable to do anything for their selves. However, this was not the case with me. In my life, I was co-dependent in a way that I felt the need to have bad friends and bad relationships. This is not because I enjoy negativity but, it’s more to do with wanting anyone in my life and around me so that I wasn’t alone but, I needed nothing from them.
The second type of co-dependency is a person who truly cannot function without depending on someone else. This is not just financial but also mentally, physically, sexually and spiritually. There comes a point where the person cannot be alone, cannot preform tasks without someone there to tell them they are doing it right, they constantly feel the need to talk to someone about everything and their lives are diminished.
Recently, I did something I have never done and that is to remove bad people from my life. The reason this was done is because I’m no longer needing to depend on someone else to make me happy. I’m in a good marriage and I have only 2 good friends and I’m okay with that. Letting go when you are co-dependent is extremely hard to do. For me, it took many years and I had to just do it. I know that sounds crazy to a co-dependent person but, sometimes “cold turkey” is the best way to go.
If you’re in a co-dependent relationship, keep in mind that some partners play off of that and enjoy knowing that they can do anything and everything they want and you won’t leave because, you don’t want to be alone. This is very common in semi-abusive and full-abusive relationships. If you have a loving partner, you will find it harder to do much of anything when your partner is not around and thus will develop “Separation Anxiety Disorder” and yes I know what you’re thinking “Only kids and animals go through that”, that’s a myth, there are many adults who can also suffer from S.A.D.
You may also find that in a co-dependent friendship that you’re giving more than you’re getting. It’s often the case that people often “over do it” when it comes to pleasing the other person and no I’m not talking about sexual. In this case, I’m referring to the acts like being a “Yes man” and saying yes to everything they want you to do because, you fear losing the friendship if you don’t. Keep in mind: A real friend will not abandon the friendship if you abandon the codependency.
RECOVERING FROM CODEPENDENCY
Abstinence. Abstinence or sobriety is necessary to recover from codependency. The goal is to bring your attention back to yourself, to have an internal, rather than external, “locus of control.” This means that your actions are primarily motivated by your values, needs, and feelings, not someone else’s. You learn to meet those needs in healthy ways.Perfect abstinence or sobriety isn’t necessary for progress, and it’s impossible with respect to codependency with people. You need and depend upon others and therefore give and compromise in relationships. Instead of abstinence, you learn to detach and not control, people-please, or obsess about others. You become more self-directed and autonomous.
If you’re involved with an abuser or addict or grew up as the child of one, you may be afraid to displease your partner, and it can require great courage to break that pattern of conceding our power to someone else.
Awareness. It’s said that denial is the hallmark of addiction. This is true whether you’re an alcoholic or in love with one. Not only do codependents deny their own addiction – whether to a drug, activity, or person – they deny their feelings, and especially their needs, particularly emotional needs for nurturing and real intimacy.You may have grown up in a family where you weren’t nurtured, your opinions and feelings weren’t respected, and your emotional needs weren’t adequately met. Over time, rather than risk rejection or criticism, you learned to ignore your needs and feelings and believed that you were wrong. Some decided to become self-sufficient or find comfort in sex, food, drugs, or work.All this leads to low self-esteem. To reverse these destructive habits, you first must become aware of them. The most damaging obstacle to self-esteem is negative self-talk. Most people aren’t aware of their internal voices that push and criticize them — their “Pusher,” “Perfectionist,” and “Critic.”1
Acceptance.Healing essentially involves self-acceptance. This is not only a step, but a life-long journey. People come to therapy to change themselves, not realizing that the work is about accepting themselves. Ironically, before you can change, you have to accept the situation. As they say, “What you resist, persists.”In recovery, more about yourself is revealed that requires acceptance, and life itself presents limitations and losses to accept. This is maturity. Accepting reality opens the doors of possibility. Change then happens. New ideas and energy emerge that previously stagnated from self-blame and fighting reality. For example, when you feel sad, lonely, or guilty, instead of making yourself feel worse, you have self-compassion, soothe yourself, and take steps to feel better.Self-acceptance means that you don’t have to please everyone for fear that they won’t like you. You honor your needs and unpleasant feelings and are forgiving of yourself and others. This goodwill toward yourself allows you to be self-reflective without being self-critical. Your self-esteem and confidence grow, and consequently, you don’t allow others to abuse you or tell you what to do. Instead of manipulating, you become more authentic and assertive, and are capable of greater intimacy.
Action.Insight without action only gets you so far. In order to grow, self-awareness and self-acceptance must be accompanied by new behavior. This involves taking risks and venturing outside your comfort one. It may involve speaking up, trying something new, going somewhere alone, or setting a boundary. It also means setting internal boundaries by keeping commitments to yourself, or saying “no” to your Critic or other old habits you want to change. Instead of expecting others to meet all your needs and make you happy, you learn to take actions to meet them, and do things that give you fulfillment and satisfaction in your life.Each time you try out new behavior or take a risk, you learn something new about yourself and your feelings and needs. You’re creating a stronger sense of yourself, as well as self-confidence and self-esteem. This builds upon itself in a positive feedback loop vs. the downward spiral of codependency, which creates more fear, depression, and low self-esteem.Words are actions. They have power and reflect your self-esteem. Becoming assertive is a learning process and is perhaps the most powerful tool in recovery. Assertiveness requires that you know yourself and risk making that public. It entails setting limits. This is respecting and honoring yourself. You get to be the author of your life – what you’ll do and not do and how people will treat you.2