I decided to write a blog about Social Media because, there are a few things that are important when deciding whether or not social media is for you.
#1 – Social Media can be helpful if you’re only using for it is games and to talk with friends/family.
#2 – Social Media isn’t for anyone who can’t handle conflict. Know that every single comment you make on any page concerning Facebook, you will be ridiculed for it regardless of your intentions.
#3 – Social Media contains every person you can imagine and that includes all of the bad people.
So today I’m going to focus on point #2. When it comes down to using Facebook and liking pages, you have to be aware that there are going to be various people commenting. In particular, when you’re looking at news Facebook pages, you’re going to see various stories which are upsetting to people in different ways. There are several different types of scenarios that will happen regardless of the subject of the news story.
#1 If it’s a “racially motivated” crime, you’ll never hear the end of it. You’ll always find that if it’s blacks who had a crime committed against them, they’ll load the comments and be ready to fire at the first person who says anything other than “That’s sad to hear”. You’ll be attacked so fast for making any comments that can possibly be skewed as racist and you’ll definitely hear “You’re part of the problem”. They are already waiting for any white to come along so they can vent that anger and race card so be prepared.
#2 Any crime against children. Now normally this would be loaded with people who believe the molester should be killed and that’s to be expected but, you’ll also find a lot of Atheists in there too who are loaded and ready to bash Christian’s for everything they are worth. Any type of disaster that involves the death of someone, be prepared to have some Atheist troll ready to attack you and God. If you’re not Christian, this won’t bother you.
#3 Like with all news stories, you’re going to hear similar stories. In this case, if you’re tired of hearing someone killed, raped or robbed someone, you probably should avoid liking pages with news stories. As far as other types of pages go like for instance movies, know that once you hit the like button, you’ll automatically have your news feed filled with either old scenes from that movie through pictures or loaded with really old comments. It can become obnoxious if you’re only wanting to say that you have seen the movie.
Social Media can be fun, frustrating, depressing and it can also be a nightmare. There’s nothing more dramatic than talking to people on Facebook. I primarily talk about Facebook and not other sites like Twitter because they aren’t loaded with trolls like Facebook is. You’re going to find that there are so many people out there who use Facebook as a way to bully others, to vent their frustrations against a certain race or a religious person and that’s all they will ever do. If you’re not careful, they will actually follow you all around Facebook relentlessly and comment on everything you comment on. It becomes like a game for them to torture you. If you still think Facebook or other social media is for you, just use caution and known that you can deactivate and reactivate your account at any time and make sure that you block anyone who you notice is harassing you or following you around.
When is enough, enough? When do life’s challenges become so overwhelming that you know something has to change? Well, let’s talk about it.
I’m the type of person who’s had a lot of bad things happen to me over the course of my young life and I have handled it all pretty well up until now. I don’t care to go into great detail but I’ll say this, I’ve seen, heard and dealt with way more than I should have and I’ve grown tired of the same problems. Now, many people will judge me and say “Quit making the same mistakes”. I’m not making the same mistakes yet, I’m having similar results.
I have had a lot of problems for a while now and people don’t seem to understand. I’ve always had some complications with family, people who think they are friends and won’t go away, ex’s, newbies, financial, sexual and physical. The list continues to go on and on and I’m the go to person for every single problem known to man and yet, I certainly don’t have that kind of support in return except on WordPress. I have some pretty great followers here who I can very much relate to. I’m nearly up to 70 followers now and it’s amazing. All I do is write about all the BS things in life and yet, people enjoy my stories and my struggles and I really appreciate that.
Over the years, I’ve tried to gain support and appreciation apparently in all the wrong places. I’ve tried getting people to notice my struggles particularly on Facebook and even family continue to go unnoticed when it comes to myself and my feelings. I think that’s why so many blogs are written here.
It’s surprising how much people who are somewhat depressed will look for validation from others. The solution often recommended is medication. There’s a medicine for everything these days yet, there are no real solutions. It’s like here take this pill so that you feel better about your bad situation. That’s not a solution to me or anyone else. Then you have the fake supporters, you know the one’s who don’t really want to deal with you. They are the one’s who say things like “Everyone has problems”. Again, this is superficial and isn’t a solution. There are a lot of people who have a problem every now and again and there’s a lot of people who need to carry an umbrella constantly, there’s always a heavy rain cloud hanging over their heads and nothing ever works out.
For those of you who have something constantly hanging over your head, you’ll completely understand and you’ll be just as frustrated as I am with the superficial people who have no idea what’s going on. Yes, people have problems but, there’s a lot of people that you’ll notice who have superficial problems. The example is “Jane has an engine that won’t start and she requires a new starter for her car”. That’s a temporary problem that doesn’t qualify as “Everyone has problems”.
I think that I’ve always been a person who’s had too many downfalls and I’m incredibly frustrated by it. I’ve always tried to give people the benefit of the doubt and I’ve helped an incredible amount of people. I’m the one people come to when they want money, someone to vent to, someone for support of some kind and so on. When I want something, I have zero support, everyone disappears. Who else has had that problem? (Please comment below)
Why is it that the people who suck the most life out of you, are never around when you’re in need? What is it that makes people be less empathetic towards situations similar to yours? They are so trusting of you to help them but, they are not trusting enough of you to help you and I know, it sounds like a rant but seriously, I’m so burned out at this point with the way things go and the way that good people are treated like crap and bad people are treated like Kings/Queens. So now the question begins, do I continue to be a good person and suffer or do I become the person who refuses to empathize with anyone, not help anyone with money and collect on that happiness? Since I’ve tried being that great person my whole life, I think I’ll try the other side since the good side has never worked. It seems that the world is a fend for yourself kind of world.
Everyone knows the famous quote “Oh, the tangled webs we weave, when first we learn to deceive” Let me talk a little about open deception.
I’m a person of open deception and by that i mean that I put on a face when I’m around people. Allow me to explain. You see, I’m a person with many anxieties, fears, sadness and trauma. However, if I showed people that part of me, I would open myself up to discrimination, hate and negative comments. I recently proved this through telling one person about me in depth. That person was supposedly my friend and I’m real careful about how I describe a friend. Basically, I do this thing where when someone is fairly new in my life, I tell them one or two things about myself that are true to see their reaction. I found that this one though disagreed with how I feel, kept coming around anyway. After only 2 weeks, she used it to her advantage that I was this person underneath and began verbally abusing me, mocking me and so on. Then she texts and calls later on as if nothing is wrong. Now, I didn’t answer the phone or the text however, I think that she’s trying to use me as a vent.
I’m the kind of person who’s done when I say I’m done and by that, there’s no real second chances. I figure in the case I listed above, if she’s that kind of person after only 2 weeks, what kind of nightmare friend would she be for an eternity. That’s the warning signs that help you to get out of something and fast! So now, you can tell sometimes when a person is wearing a mask unless like myself, they put on a really good poker face. After years of dealing with my emotions and masking them from the world, I’ve gotten pretty good at keeping it from people. Is this a good thing? Well, I’ll tell you the good and the bad.
The Good – It keeps people from knowing they can run over you, abuse you or telling you BS stories that never actually happened to them, in order to make you feel better.
The Bad – If something were to happen to you, say you collapsed or you died, it would leave the people around you completely confused about what happened to you. It makes you feel worse about yourself when you finally escape that social situation.
It doesn’t sound like much of a difference, either way there’s a negative to it and there’s not much you can do about that. Sure, you could tell everyone anything you want about yourself that’s true and end up taking the risks of them either leaving your life or making your business known to the whole world and both are very likely to happen. I believe that a part of being selectively deceptive by omitting information can be both valuable to you and also devastating at the same time. Here’s a prime example:
Say someone commits a crime and the Police interview the suspects mom and she has no clue about his thoughts or feelings prior to this crime, she’s very likely to say “My child wouldn’t do that, they weren’t that kind of person” and other people who do know what that person is about, shakes their head in disbelief. This is an example of a way that it can be detrimental to someone else and to yourself. In the first place, you didn’t think enough of it to go and get help before you did something horrible and you have your family and or friends puzzled as to what’s really going on.
Then you have on the other hand your thoughts, feelings and emotions. You worry that if you tell anyone how you feel, they are going to break out in negativity, make drama out of it or insist you’re crazy and need to get help. You know that you’re not crazy, you know you don’t need more drama and therefore, you’re going to make decisions about what to do. Some people commit suicide, they don’t want to live with the fact that everyone now knows their business. Some people check their self into a mental institution because, they have been convinced they are crazy. Some people start drinking, taking drugs or involving themselves in other risky behaviors, others go looking for love in the wrong places. There are so many different people in this world and you cannot assume that someone hasn’t been through anything or they aren’t struggling just because they have on a mask. If you’re not willing to deal with their issues or be a good support system for them, try to stay out of it. Don’t make a big scene to other people or social media.
There are many people who marry someone without even considering what their in-laws will be like. I think that many people are in good favor with the in-laws in the beginning but, after the marriage has been going for a while, things start to go south. In my case, my in-laws hate me. You see, I’m not the same race as my husband and in his culture they have very strict beliefs on what a wife should be like. In this case, women are sex objects and they are also home-makers and nothing more. The women are supposed to obey what the man says and tolerate anything that happens, even if the man is abusive.
On the other hand, I was raised differently. It was not optional for a woman to work because, it took both incomes in order to pay all of the bills and have entertainment money as well such as going on vacation at least twice a year. The woman was not slave to the man. The man did his own laundry, cooking and never treated the woman as if she owed him anything. Due to this difference in cultures, my in-laws have decided that I’m an evil, outspoken witch. In fact, my mother in law truly believes that I’m the spawn of Satan because, I’m not a submissive wife who doesn’t defend myself.
Though everyone’s situation with their in-laws are different, the wife is usually subject to more stress from the husband’s family than vice-versa. This can often cause problems in the marriage and eventually, the man either has to choose between his wife or his family or, the wife decides she’s not willing to tolerate it any more and just leaves. It’s unclear why things are so bad between in-laws and married couples. In my experiences, the differences of opinion on everything, the difference in cultures and the way each of the people involved were raised has a lot to do with the conflicts. Almost always, the mother in law rejects her daughter in law because, she feels as though the daughter in law will never be worthy of her “Perfect son”.
Then, as the couple goes on to have children, often times the mother in law steps in and tries to tell her son or daughter what to do with their child and why their spouse is doing it all wrong. I’ve even heard of nightmare in-laws where they obtain a key to their child’s house and they go in whenever they want, rearrange things in the house and tell them what to do with their life and why it’s all screwed up. You rarely hear of this problem with father in laws and I assume it’s because, they are happy that their child grew up enough to move out, get married and give them grandchildren and almost always, the father in law is happy to just be free from raising children. However, the father in law always has the tough job of playing referee when the mother in law gets involved in things she shouldn’t.
For those who are experiencing problems with their in-laws, please leave a comment at the bottom of this blog and let me know what your experience has been and what you think of the above statements.
As a person who has lived most of my adult life as a co-dependent, I must say that it’s one of the most difficult things a person can go through. For myself, being co-dependent can be frustrating because, there’s a constant need for having someone around even if you don’t need their help.
Most co-dependent people are often seen as unable to do anything for their selves. However, this was not the case with me. In my life, I was co-dependent in a way that I felt the need to have bad friends and bad relationships. This is not because I enjoy negativity but, it’s more to do with wanting anyone in my life and around me so that I wasn’t alone but, I needed nothing from them.
The second type of co-dependency is a person who truly cannot function without depending on someone else. This is not just financial but also mentally, physically, sexually and spiritually. There comes a point where the person cannot be alone, cannot preform tasks without someone there to tell them they are doing it right, they constantly feel the need to talk to someone about everything and their lives are diminished.
Recently, I did something I have never done and that is to remove bad people from my life. The reason this was done is because I’m no longer needing to depend on someone else to make me happy. I’m in a good marriage and I have only 2 good friends and I’m okay with that. Letting go when you are co-dependent is extremely hard to do. For me, it took many years and I had to just do it. I know that sounds crazy to a co-dependent person but, sometimes “cold turkey” is the best way to go.
If you’re in a co-dependent relationship, keep in mind that some partners play off of that and enjoy knowing that they can do anything and everything they want and you won’t leave because, you don’t want to be alone. This is very common in semi-abusive and full-abusive relationships. If you have a loving partner, you will find it harder to do much of anything when your partner is not around and thus will develop “Separation Anxiety Disorder” and yes I know what you’re thinking “Only kids and animals go through that”, that’s a myth, there are many adults who can also suffer from S.A.D.
You may also find that in a co-dependent friendship that you’re giving more than you’re getting. It’s often the case that people often “over do it” when it comes to pleasing the other person and no I’m not talking about sexual. In this case, I’m referring to the acts like being a “Yes man” and saying yes to everything they want you to do because, you fear losing the friendship if you don’t. Keep in mind: A real friend will not abandon the friendship if you abandon the codependency.
RECOVERING FROM CODEPENDENCY
Abstinence. Abstinence or sobriety is necessary to recover from codependency. The goal is to bring your attention back to yourself, to have an internal, rather than external, “locus of control.” This means that your actions are primarily motivated by your values, needs, and feelings, not someone else’s. You learn to meet those needs in healthy ways.Perfect abstinence or sobriety isn’t necessary for progress, and it’s impossible with respect to codependency with people. You need and depend upon others and therefore give and compromise in relationships. Instead of abstinence, you learn to detach and not control, people-please, or obsess about others. You become more self-directed and autonomous.
If you’re involved with an abuser or addict or grew up as the child of one, you may be afraid to displease your partner, and it can require great courage to break that pattern of conceding our power to someone else.
Awareness. It’s said that denial is the hallmark of addiction. This is true whether you’re an alcoholic or in love with one. Not only do codependents deny their own addiction – whether to a drug, activity, or person – they deny their feelings, and especially their needs, particularly emotional needs for nurturing and real intimacy.You may have grown up in a family where you weren’t nurtured, your opinions and feelings weren’t respected, and your emotional needs weren’t adequately met. Over time, rather than risk rejection or criticism, you learned to ignore your needs and feelings and believed that you were wrong. Some decided to become self-sufficient or find comfort in sex, food, drugs, or work.All this leads to low self-esteem. To reverse these destructive habits, you first must become aware of them. The most damaging obstacle to self-esteem is negative self-talk. Most people aren’t aware of their internal voices that push and criticize them — their “Pusher,” “Perfectionist,” and “Critic.”1
Acceptance.Healing essentially involves self-acceptance. This is not only a step, but a life-long journey. People come to therapy to change themselves, not realizing that the work is about accepting themselves. Ironically, before you can change, you have to accept the situation. As they say, “What you resist, persists.”In recovery, more about yourself is revealed that requires acceptance, and life itself presents limitations and losses to accept. This is maturity. Accepting reality opens the doors of possibility. Change then happens. New ideas and energy emerge that previously stagnated from self-blame and fighting reality. For example, when you feel sad, lonely, or guilty, instead of making yourself feel worse, you have self-compassion, soothe yourself, and take steps to feel better.Self-acceptance means that you don’t have to please everyone for fear that they won’t like you. You honor your needs and unpleasant feelings and are forgiving of yourself and others. This goodwill toward yourself allows you to be self-reflective without being self-critical. Your self-esteem and confidence grow, and consequently, you don’t allow others to abuse you or tell you what to do. Instead of manipulating, you become more authentic and assertive, and are capable of greater intimacy.
Action.Insight without action only gets you so far. In order to grow, self-awareness and self-acceptance must be accompanied by new behavior. This involves taking risks and venturing outside your comfort one. It may involve speaking up, trying something new, going somewhere alone, or setting a boundary. It also means setting internal boundaries by keeping commitments to yourself, or saying “no” to your Critic or other old habits you want to change. Instead of expecting others to meet all your needs and make you happy, you learn to take actions to meet them, and do things that give you fulfillment and satisfaction in your life.Each time you try out new behavior or take a risk, you learn something new about yourself and your feelings and needs. You’re creating a stronger sense of yourself, as well as self-confidence and self-esteem. This builds upon itself in a positive feedback loop vs. the downward spiral of codependency, which creates more fear, depression, and low self-esteem.Words are actions. They have power and reflect your self-esteem. Becoming assertive is a learning process and is perhaps the most powerful tool in recovery. Assertiveness requires that you know yourself and risk making that public. It entails setting limits. This is respecting and honoring yourself. You get to be the author of your life – what you’ll do and not do and how people will treat you.2