In this blog I’m going to discuss bad associates and people who burn bridges, so that all of you can know what to look for.
There are many different types of friends in this world, let’s look at a few:
Friends for a season – These are the friends that are very temporary and only have one mission and that’s to feel better about themselves or to make you feel better
Friends for life – These are the friends who would fight the devil himself to protect you, they will only make judgments about your life that will help you and will support you no matter what
Fake friends – These are the one’s who have an agenda, who know they will need your help in some way or they want your spouse and think making friends with you is the easiest way.
Bridge Burners – These are the kind that are sheep in wolf’s clothing, they are out to make your life as miserable as possible for their own purpose.
I’m going to focus this blog on Bridge Burners because, I recently with through this with someone. I had a so called friend who was focused on “helping me” to get on my feet and had the agenda of getting me to sign up for her business. Now, that was all great for the first I don’t know 3 weeks. I kept my distance for the most part and let it play out. In the beginning I felt happy, later on I realized that this was no friendship and shortly thereafter, the true colors were shown. A bridge burner is someone who appears helpless or to need your help and basically fish for information and then burn their bridges with you. They will often turn on you at the drop of a hat, become cocky or rude and then flaunt all of their new learned information. They often take on the appearance of someone who’s well maintained and in somewhat control.
People who burn their bridges, often do not realize the impact or consequences of doing so and tend to repeat such action with every new person they meet. It’s almost like an endless cycle that will not stop until that person realizes that what they are doing, isn’t the answer. After so long, the person will understand that they have lost something that could have been potentially life changing for them. There are people like myself who refuses to follow up with someone that I’m done with. Other will people give many chances and though I believe in second chances, that has conditions. In my case, the person I’m referring to decided this was a funny matter and straight up said that they will say whatever they want to. That’s when you can tell that the person is enjoying being in control of the situation. The difference is, many people like myself, enjoy knowing that person not only isn’t in control but, that their time of fun and happiness will come to an end.
Now, there’s several things you must watch out for so that you can identify a bridge burner almost immediately.
They seem overly friendly, despite not knowing you
They have an agenda that’s likely known to you or appears to you
They have bipolar mimicking behaviors or thoughts
They seem to be entertained by your being in a bad situation or having less than they do
They constantly comment on what they do for you.
They list off “problems” that they have and look to you to repair it.
They often don’t have time for you or are rude when they finally do come around.
The above describes in detail the different ways to know if someone is going to be a bad associate or a bridge burner within the first month or so of associating with them. You must be extremely cautious around someone who starts to show the signs and make sure that you haven’t or don’t tell them much of anything about yourself, that you know is bad to get out. A bad associate or bridge burner will make sure they spread rumors about you or tell everything they know. They will become manipulative and hateful. For example, in my case the person was being unprofessional, rude, mocking, vengeful and had periods of bipolar moments and also making “joking” threats. Such as “I would love to slap you right now”. It’s the kind of person you cannot be exposed to for long periods. That usually is a clear indication that not only will they not be supportive of you but, they may turn into someone who becomes a legal problem to you and your family as well. The important thing is that you rid yourself of toxic people as quickly as possible!
With all of the new technologies now and most of them being consolidated onto cell phones, we have become a generation of looking down. I can clearly remember being a kid and going somewhere like the doctors office and running to my room before we left, I had to grab something to keep me busy which ended up being either a coloring book with crayons, a toy or a handheld video game system like my Nintendo Gameboy. Ah those were the days. Now we have a generation of people who carry their smartphones and can do anything they want to keep their self busy.
The older generations who don’t use technology will tell you that our generation is missing out on so much in life. What are we really missing out on though? Not much actually if you think about it because, everything is available to us. What our friends are doing, what news is on TV, what new game is out that everyone is playing, controlling our home alarm system and many other things that can be done on a smartphone. We can even travel the world through Google earth. The great smartphone even gets us out of a boring situation, by having something to distract us. Yes we truly are the generation of looking down.
What did people used to do for entertainment before cell phones became smart? Well, many people spent much more time outside, kids rode their bikes and played a good game of hide and seek or basketball. People had to go home or to a friend’s house to play on a bulky video game system, you had to pull out a camera to take pictures and then have them developed at a store. If you wanted to see what the other side of the world was doing, you would have to spend thousands to travel.
There’s no doubt about it, we all have our heads buried in our smartphones and most of us have our phone’s glued to our hands everywhere we walk. We’ve become so obsessed with our phones we rarely put them in our pockets anymore or leave them laying somewhere and wall hugging to keep that cell phone charged is a way of life.
It’s so important to us as a generation to be liked online. We want the whole world to see our tweets, instagram posts, Facebook statuses, what we’re eating, where we are going, what we are doing and for people to press that like button, reblog, retweet, sharing, commenting and so on. We determine our self worth by what other people, even strangers think of us and some people take it much harder than others.
If anyone here doesn’t have a smartphone, would you own one and if not, why?
For those of you who do have smartphones, would you ever live without it?
I have been thinking back about all of the people I used to be friends with and why I was friends with them. As time passes by most people end friendships and start new one’s. That’s the cycle of life for almost everyone. Sure there are a few friends that you keep throughout your lifetime or at least for many years. Most people though, are here for a season and that’s it. What do we learn from those people? Well a lot of times we learn the warning signs of what a bad friend is and how to avoid getting one in the future. Sometimes we learn how to dig deep inside and find those emotions that were once there but became lost.
I had a few friends that I thought were going to be friends for life. It turns out, they weren’t real friends at all as some betrayed me and others just moved on and lost interest. Those that betrayed me did so behind my back and i didn’t find out until much later. I have other friends that I’ve had for a long time who I still talk to but live far away from. It’s not really a bad thing because I’m learning about friends even now and it helps me to form new friendships and dump old friendships that have lost their character.
I think at some point all of us wonder why we were friends with someone that we cared about or hung out with. As we mature, things change and we begin to realize that those people no longer fit our lifestyle. For instance, people who you just hang with or party with, won’t be friends for life because as you mature and lose interest in those things, you lose interest in the people who weren’t really friends, they were just someone fun to be around. Then there are those who end up getting married and having children and are focused on their new family life and less interested in their social life.
The one or two great friends that you keep can be very understanding of your new life as they probably have the same one. They understand that you can’t always talk on the phone, text or hang out because they have kids too. Still, when you’re able to talk to that friend you realize that nothing has changed between you and it’s actually refreshing to talk to another adult for a change, besides your spouse. Everyone needs someone other than their spouse to talk to, otherwise things can get pretty frustrating.
i don’t think that people should ever be friends with their ex’s regardless of how the relationship ended. i think that it’s crossing boundaries because they will always know your business and always be comparing the life you had with them, with the life you have with your new spouse. They will always be stalking your Facebook page or making snide remarks. It’s just a bad mix all together.
Feel free to comment on my blog and tell me your experiences.
The one thing that no one wants to talk about is death. For so many people it’s a scary thought especially when you’re young and healthy or somewhat healthy. However, when I was 18, I started thinking about what I would want when I die even though I had no plans of dying any time soon. I have had people say that it’s morbid and makes me seem like I have an obsession with death. Actually, it’s the opposite. I’m afraid of death just as much as the next person.
I found that despite what people want to believe, there are many people who die very young and it’s left up to the family as to what they may have wanted. I personally don’t want that. If something were to ever happen to me, I want the ability to make decisions for myself and I found the best way to do that is to have an Advance Directive in place. An Advance Directive is a way for you to write down exactly what you want, have 2 witnesses sign it, get it notarized if you desire to and give copies to your doctors, your local hospital and family or friends.
I found that the easiest form to fill out was a form called Five Wishes and it’s free to anyone who wants a copy mailed to them. There’s many different questions inside the Five Wishes and you simply write your answer to the questions below and then write anything else you would like. Some of the most important questions they ask you are things like Do you want life support? Do you want Artificial Nutrition? What music would you like played at your funeral? Things like that. It gives a clear cut and legal way for you to speak for yourself through your handwriting when you cannot speak for yourself verbally.
Now, I’m sure that so many of you will wonder why I would write a blog like this but honestly, I think it’s important to talk to people about what their options are and how to go about it without the expense of going through a lawyer or having to go to court and get a judge to sign your document. There are so many things going on in this world right now and so many people who are involved in innocent deaths and some who choose to end their lives. No matter what happens, be prepared. You can obtain a copy of Five Wishes here: http://www.amedisys.com/patients-and-caregivers/health-resources/advanced-directives
I currently have a mother in law who’s been a JW for I guess about 5 years now. She became caught up with the witnesses every since her marriage went south and she became depressed. These people some how came to know my mother in law and “saved her” from her “worldly life”. This is someone who was a devout Catholic but, who drifted when she attempted suicide. Now, I’ve never been particularly fond of Jehovah’s Witnesses and that’s primarily because, I didn’t like the way that they pushed their material on you and wouldn’t answer any questions that you had (aside from what’s in the Watchtower). However, I attempted to get along with her any way. Now mind you, she was in there for about 2 years when I met her and she was not as pushy back then. For the past year, she’s pushed her material and her speeches.
She comes to visit often claiming to help with her grandchild and yet, every single time we always have a stupid argument about her organization and she always makes a comment on everything that I keep in my room. She claims to be a devout witness but, she’s not following this “Be like Jesus” mentality that she walks into Kingdom Halls with. Oh, around her Jehovah’s Witness crowd she’s all about how great she is and how humble she is but, wait there’s more, when she’s away from those people she’s a completely different person. She’s virtually abandoned her son and myself as far as emotionally/spiritually and she often remind us of our “fate” which of course to her means an eternal death that doesn’t consist of this paradise on earth. She’s constantly telling us that she’s going to abandon her grandson and the “rest of us” if we do anything that “Jehovah” doesn’t agree with. Basically, this includes anything that the Watchtower doesn’t agree with or the organization their self doesn’t agree with. So yep: no holiday’s, no patriotic crap, no voting, no higher education, no pictures of Jesus, no crosses, no Holy Bible, NADA! I’m sorry but, I’m not in that group and I’m tired of living my life this way, offending her at every breath without saying a word.
I have spoken to other Jehovah’s Witnesses who have told me that this is not what they are about and that she has not learned self control or humility and that this is not the way she should be behaving. This being over critical of everything I do and say. I won’t get into all the reasons why she’s wrong in my eyes but what I will tell you is, I feel that no one should be this obsessed with any religion that they cannot get along with family. I love God just as much as the next person but, unless God leads me from people who are harmful to me, I’m not going to abandon anyone and I don’t allow leaders of my church to rule my life either. What happens with me is between me and God and I would never depend on anyone to save me every time I wander. My mother in law is different, she has to run and call up her “brothers and sisters” every time she see’s me “doing wrong”. I can’t believe the speech I got over a couple of 6 inch Angel figurines. I’m not talking about filthy Angel’s either. I’m talking about Christian Angel’s. They were sitting quietly on my desk bothering no one, because of course they are inanimate objects and oh my gosh, I never thought I would hear the end of it. So she calls her JW friends and they tell me that she’s not allowed to tell me what I keep in my room and so of course she obey’s them and not 2 months later, she’s on a kick about other things in my bedroom. Claiming she will go home if I don’t remove them.
My husband tells her all of the time, if you want to go home because of what we have in our bedroom, I will be happy to take you and you can stay there. She calms down for a day or two and then goes right back to the speeches again. Is this how Jehovah’s Witnesses really act? How do you feel about my situation and what I have said?