Here’s the thing, I try to get along with everyone and that’s not always possible but for the most part, I’m a loving person until you cross the line. Allow me to explain. (This blog was written 8 months ago and never published until now)
My brother in law is the type of person who manages to upset most anyone who gets to know him. Originally I thought, maybe he’s just not a likable person because he’s not controlling his tongue but now, I’m starting to believe that he intentionally does things to make people angry. In the first place, he’s always getting into our business and trying to run things. He’s always been very controlling with anyone who crosses his path and he loses most everyone in his life because of it. There are some people that I truly believe hate their self so much, they take it out on the world and hate them too. Who am I to pass judgment? That doesn’t really apply here considering he goes out of his way to make mine and my husband’s life hell. He’s always running to the remainder of the family and telling them lies about us and spreading rumors that have no backing. We have tried to stay away from him as much as possible but, the lies and rumors continue. I wrote a previous blog concerning my mother in law and she’s bad for considering her “baby” perfect and she always finds fault in her oldest son (my husband). She’s always telling my brother in law our business and they constantly sit and talk about us.
Normally, I would be ignoring this kind of behavior but, our lives have been affected by this so badly that we cannot breathe without being condemned. He even goes as far as to tell us how to take care of our child yet, he does not take care of his and never has. My husband once made the mistake of helping him out with a credit card, he ran up thousands of dollars and still to this day has not paid it back and doesn’t care that my husband’s credit is now ruined. Family or not, that’s someone that you cannot trust and want nothing to do with. This is someone who has never been mature, who refuses to pay his bills or hold down a job. Instead, he spends all of his money on movies, eating out, video games and going in debt for electronics. Really? When you owe someone a lot of money, the least you could do is make an effort to pay them back. I have told my husband multiple times that I’m completely done with his family and he has the choice to either stand by them or walk away but, I feel like that my son should not be in their lives because they are horrible influences and sleezy people.
UPDATE 7-12-2015 – We are no longer associating with my brother in law other than the occasional phone call. He no longer lives near us and we haven’t seen him in many months. It’s honestly better for all of us but, he still hasn’t forked over any of the money he owes us.
Well, the dreaded mother in law is back. I want to say first off that I did not want her back in our home and I’m really angry that I basically was forced to let her come back here. She came here earlier this week and hasn’t left yet because we haven’t been able to drive her the 2 hours back to her house. Anyway, she was here all of one day before she started in again about we had to take her to kingdom hall and my husband was at work, we only have one car so it wasn’t going to happen so, she says “I’m going to walk” and I laughed because it’s 2 miles from our home, she can barely walk through the house muchless 2 miles away. She tells me that she must walk because she “has to put in hours for Jehovah”. Oh my God, so anyway, she takes off walking and she’s gone 3 minutes and comes back and says “It’s too hot, I can’t do it, so now what am I supposed to do”. I have no idea what she’s supposed to do, I’m without a car when my husband’s at work.
So then Wednesday night comes around and she’s like “I need you to take me to kingdom hall tomorrow night” and my husband says to her “I told you that we’re not involved with those people and we’re not going to drive you to kingdom hall, you need to call over there and have someone from the organization give you a ride” well that just set her off and she wanted to leave, which by the way, she’s always threatening to do. So she ends up calling and talking to I guess an Elder who tells her that they will have someone pick her up and they will call her when they are on their way. Ok, so she doesn’t hear anything by mid day yesterday and so again she starts in about us taking her to kingdom hall, we’re not going to take her and we reminded her of that again. So finally, she gets in touch with someone who comes to pick her up and she leaves. We always know that when she goes to the meetings, she comes back with a vengeance. I have no idea what they are teaching her about “worldly people” but whatever it is, it’s causing her to come back filled with hate.
So last night I ended up talking to my husband about things going on here and what I needed from him. We ended up raising our voices a little but we were still in the privacy of our bedroom. Well, I hear her slamming doors, boxes and throwing a bunch of stuff in boxes and bags. Her room wall is shared with my son’s room wall and it’s 3:30 in the morning and I’m pissed off because she’s making a bunch of noise pitching a temper tantrum. So I tell my husband, “You need to go in there and tell her to stop her bullshit or she can go walking back home”. He gets up and goes in there and she’s got her head spinning in a 360 degree spin, she’s still slamming boxes and yelling about how much she hates me and she’s leaving and this and that. My husband said “I don’t give a damn what you’re mad about but you’re not going to wake up the baby”. So he walks away and she’s still fuming and she slams one more box and then finally stops.
I told my husband that I’m not going to deal with this and that she shouldn’t have been here to begin with and she needs to return home but, we’re not taking her. I have plans for today and I have plans this weekend and neither includes driving her 2 hours back to her house. I’m actually rather annoyed with this attitude and idea that she’s actually going somewhere when she gets mad. We don’t have money to be making those kind of trips, she doesn’t have a car or anyone who lives anywhere near our house and there’s no bus line. I know that she’ll be on the phone with her other son soon enough expecting him to drive all the way out here and because he’s such a mama’s boy, I’m sure he’ll do it.
Most importantly, I don’t care what she thinks about me at all and I don’t need her help or support. All I’m concerned about is how my son feels. He’s almost 2 years old and she’s just emotionally damaging him by walking in and out of his life. My son already doesn’t have his grandpa in his life because he was nuts and acts crazy and does stupid things just like she does. I don’t need this kind of dysfunction and stress in his life or mine. I could honestly care less that she hates me. As long as he’s not hurt by it then I don’t care. I know that with his Autism and him being a toddler right now, he can’t possibly understand what’s going on so this has to be hard on him. I’m at the end of my rope and I think it’s honestly worse that she’s here than if she’s gone. I just know that I can’t take this anymore.
So as many of you know, I have written a couple of blogs concerning my family life with my mother in law. I have become extremely frustrated with the way things are turning out. I’m starting to wonder if the Jehovah’s Witnesses are even part of this because, though she often uses Jehovah and what she’s learning inside the Kingdom Hall as her defense, it’s clear to me that this is more mental illness than anything.
She’s been staying with us for the past 3 weeks and it’s been nothing but trouble. She often gives me lectures on how a blanket that my son has, which was a gift from his grandpa is bad and is causing his Autism. It’s a Catholic blanket. He also has a ninja turtle blanket that she complains about. She will not allow him to watch Super Why, Popeye or anything she deems “inappropriate” though this is my house and I finally had enough and I said, if you don’t like the way we live, you can either go back to your house or go into your bedroom. She’s constantly walking through the house making loud sighs and slamming doors over seemingly nothing. I’ve grown tired of this ridiculous behavior.
Recently, she wanted to go to the Kingdom Hall up the street, we took her there but it was closed. She got extremely angry with us because we would not drive her 45 minutes to the next Kingdom Hall. She will not take any jokes whatsoever that are not even targeted towards her religion. She gets extremely frustrated with us because we won’t allow her to be a helicopter parent to our son and we won’t allow her to spoon feed him because, he’s big enough to feed himself. She’s also angry because we won’t allow her to rock him to sleep and run to him every time he whines. We’ve noticed that our son is beginning to revert back to a baby like stage since she’s been here. He’s not talking anymore, just babbling and making noise. He’s not walking much anymore, just crawling again. We want to take her home, 2 hours away but right now we don’t have the gas.
I wish someone would please tell me what my options are because I’m extremely burned out with this. On top of that, Christmas is coming up and she’s become very hostile about it. She’s been saying things like “I will not participate in the demon holiday and I will not allow you to keep me here while you celebrate the demon holiday”. I don’t want her here ruining my life further. I’m so sick of the temper tantrums and the nonsense she spews. I’ve just had enough. The only thing I hate is forcing her out of my son’s life because he doesn’t understand all of this but I know, as a parent I have to be protective of him and do what’s in his best interest and she’s doing more harm than good emotionally.
There are many people who marry someone without even considering what their in-laws will be like. I think that many people are in good favor with the in-laws in the beginning but, after the marriage has been going for a while, things start to go south. In my case, my in-laws hate me. You see, I’m not the same race as my husband and in his culture they have very strict beliefs on what a wife should be like. In this case, women are sex objects and they are also home-makers and nothing more. The women are supposed to obey what the man says and tolerate anything that happens, even if the man is abusive.
On the other hand, I was raised differently. It was not optional for a woman to work because, it took both incomes in order to pay all of the bills and have entertainment money as well such as going on vacation at least twice a year. The woman was not slave to the man. The man did his own laundry, cooking and never treated the woman as if she owed him anything. Due to this difference in cultures, my in-laws have decided that I’m an evil, outspoken witch. In fact, my mother in law truly believes that I’m the spawn of Satan because, I’m not a submissive wife who doesn’t defend myself.
Though everyone’s situation with their in-laws are different, the wife is usually subject to more stress from the husband’s family than vice-versa. This can often cause problems in the marriage and eventually, the man either has to choose between his wife or his family or, the wife decides she’s not willing to tolerate it any more and just leaves. It’s unclear why things are so bad between in-laws and married couples. In my experiences, the differences of opinion on everything, the difference in cultures and the way each of the people involved were raised has a lot to do with the conflicts. Almost always, the mother in law rejects her daughter in law because, she feels as though the daughter in law will never be worthy of her “Perfect son”.
Then, as the couple goes on to have children, often times the mother in law steps in and tries to tell her son or daughter what to do with their child and why their spouse is doing it all wrong. I’ve even heard of nightmare in-laws where they obtain a key to their child’s house and they go in whenever they want, rearrange things in the house and tell them what to do with their life and why it’s all screwed up. You rarely hear of this problem with father in laws and I assume it’s because, they are happy that their child grew up enough to move out, get married and give them grandchildren and almost always, the father in law is happy to just be free from raising children. However, the father in law always has the tough job of playing referee when the mother in law gets involved in things she shouldn’t.
For those who are experiencing problems with their in-laws, please leave a comment at the bottom of this blog and let me know what your experience has been and what you think of the above statements.