There are many people who marry someone without even considering what their in-laws will be like. I think that many people are in good favor with the in-laws in the beginning but, after the marriage has been going for a while, things start to go south. In my case, my in-laws hate me. You see, I’m not the same race as my husband and in his culture they have very strict beliefs on what a wife should be like. In this case, women are sex objects and they are also home-makers and nothing more. The women are supposed to obey what the man says and tolerate anything that happens, even if the man is abusive.
On the other hand, I was raised differently. It was not optional for a woman to work because, it took both incomes in order to pay all of the bills and have entertainment money as well such as going on vacation at least twice a year. The woman was not slave to the man. The man did his own laundry, cooking and never treated the woman as if she owed him anything. Due to this difference in cultures, my in-laws have decided that I’m an evil, outspoken witch. In fact, my mother in law truly believes that I’m the spawn of Satan because, I’m not a submissive wife who doesn’t defend myself.
Though everyone’s situation with their in-laws are different, the wife is usually subject to more stress from the husband’s family than vice-versa. This can often cause problems in the marriage and eventually, the man either has to choose between his wife or his family or, the wife decides she’s not willing to tolerate it any more and just leaves. It’s unclear why things are so bad between in-laws and married couples. In my experiences, the differences of opinion on everything, the difference in cultures and the way each of the people involved were raised has a lot to do with the conflicts. Almost always, the mother in law rejects her daughter in law because, she feels as though the daughter in law will never be worthy of her “Perfect son”.
Then, as the couple goes on to have children, often times the mother in law steps in and tries to tell her son or daughter what to do with their child and why their spouse is doing it all wrong. I’ve even heard of nightmare in-laws where they obtain a key to their child’s house and they go in whenever they want, rearrange things in the house and tell them what to do with their life and why it’s all screwed up. You rarely hear of this problem with father in laws and I assume it’s because, they are happy that their child grew up enough to move out, get married and give them grandchildren and almost always, the father in law is happy to just be free from raising children. However, the father in law always has the tough job of playing referee when the mother in law gets involved in things she shouldn’t.
For those who are experiencing problems with their in-laws, please leave a comment at the bottom of this blog and let me know what your experience has been and what you think of the above statements.
I want all of you to know that I’m not writing this blog due to the domestic abuse that has occurred within the NFL. Now with that being said, let’s proceed.
Domestic violence can often occur with someone that you trust and often times it’s due to that person’s inability to control their emotions. It can however, be caused by someone who has a mental illness such as Paranoia which can cause the person to believe that their partner is doing things intentionally to make them angry. The other side of it can also be the person’s inability to take personal responsibility for their own actions. Often times the abuser will say “If you hadn’t of said that, this wouldn’t be happening” or whatever the case is.
I want you to know a few things. In the first place, I’m a survivor of domestic violence. I won’t bore you with the details but, I will tell you that the person who abused me did so for as long as he could get away it and first chose isolation to keep me from telling anyone and then proceeded with the endless cycle of breaking my spirit to make me submissive. You see these are all common steps of the abuser and most abusers are afraid for anyone to discover what they are doing.
The most difficult thing for women to do is to leave their abuser. It’s common that people will criticize and say “Why didn’t you leave sooner” well, as I stated before Isolation is the abusers biggest advantage. There are extreme cases where the abuser will literally force you to stay inside the house. The person may block the doors/windows, they may tie you up or even lock you in a closet. There’s no way to escape most of the time unless someone gets worried about you and comes to your rescue.
The biggest thing that you need to know, if you do manage to get away from your abuser know that it will not stop. Almost always, the abuser is determined to have you back under their control and that is when stalking begins. You will often find that person showing up where you happen to be, usually they have either followed you or they have someone giving them information about where you’re going or who you will be with. Always take someone you trust with you every place that you go. I know that this may be annoying or even inconvenient but, it will also likely save your life. If you have no one to go with you, put it off for another time or carry discreet pepper spray or a tazer.
There are various resources that can help you escape from this abusive endless cycle but, what you need to know for sure is that you will require counseling when you leave the abusive relationship and things will never be the same again. That’s bad news you say, yes, the good news is though, you won’t be being beaten every day any more. It’s impossible to say whether or not the person will follow you everywhere you go but what they will do is, they will do everything they can to convince you to either stay or return back with them. They may even say “I went to therapy” or “I’m on medication now”. I do believe that people can change, I don’t however believe that they can change so quickly and by you going back to them, you’re rekindling that excitement they had of controlling and abusing you. It’s never a good idea to return based on what they claim, or even return at all.
We have all seen homeless people at one point or another. Many people refer to them as “Trash”, “Druggies” and “Lazy”. However, what do we really know about these people who appear to be useless trash littering the streets? Well let’s start out with a few facts
NOT all homeless people use drugs
NOT all homeless people are lazy
NOT all homeless people have bad intentions
You might be thinking that I’m an advocate for the homeless and in a way I am. You see, there have been many times where I have given money to select homeless people and I’m not talking about your average coins. I’m fairly good at determining who will use the money for things they really need and who won’t. None of us who help the homeless know where our money goes after we hand it off.
America is supposed to be a land of opportunity but, we have found fairly fast that our current President (like many previous president’s) misuses a lot of the money printed. We’re all aware of the trillions of dollars being spent on useless wars, lavish trips for the President and his family and even state of the art rehab facilities for Sex Offenders. It’s no secret that money is not being spent on using abandoned buildings to create large shelters for the homeless in any state.
Though money would be well spent if the President had his head on straight and chose to help the citizens of the United States first, this will be very unlikely to happen in the near or far future. This is due to each new President trying to follow the lead of the previous president. As you all know, the last 3 president’s have spent countless American dollars on things that do not benefit America.
So, who will care for the homeless? Many people go about their daily life and ignore the homeless and some even make petitions to have them removed from their make shift homes. After all, no one wants to look at eye sores right? What we all fail to realize is, any one of us could become homeless at any time. No one is guaranteed their jobs will last and many people will have been laid off in order for those jobs to be transferred overseas or people will simply be replaced by new, fast technology like Robots and Drones.
When talking about what are the options of the homeless, you must keep an open mind. In the first place, many homeless people have lost their jobs, their homes, their families and have very little left over. Finding a new job becomes harder when you have limited experience, you have no address or phone number to list on your application, you cannot arrive to an interview dirty, you have no resume to go along with your application, etc. It’s hard enough for people who are not homeless and who have degrees to get a job. At this point, most all jobs are impossible to get.
Another myth about the homeless is that they are all drug users or alcoholic’s. This is a poor assumption as some homeless, have never been addicted to either and even if they are, you must realize that being on the streets is the hardest thing you can imagine. It’s no life for anyone and those people suffer badly every single day.
Many homeless people become criminals over time as they become more desperate to survive and usually pocket change isn’t enough to sustain them. They also may commit crimes in order to have shelter and even though jail is hard, it’s still food and a place to sleep. This does not mean that all homeless people do these things but, who could blame them if they did?!
There are many abandoned buildings all across the United States and some have been recently closed. Some of these buildings such as old factories or even hospitals could be a great place for the homeless to live. In particular, a hospital that has been closed down would allow many homeless to occupy the floors and each one would have their own room and bathroom and sometimes even put two people to a room. Now, the funding part is a different story. When it comes to funding an operation like this, many people will need to pitch in and since we already pay taxes for things like overseas wars and lavish trips, the tax money would be better suited to pay for the homeless to survive in these already built buildings. It would also be possible if more people would chip in to help. It surprises me how many people complain about having to deal with the homeless but, won’t chip in for something that would get them off the streets and out of your hair.
I believe that if more people would take the time to actually talk with these people, you will realize fast that they are normal people who have been under bad circumstance for far too long. However, you cannot categorize all homeless people as belonging to one group like “Drug user” etc.. as a matter of fact, many of the homeless people I have talked to have stated that they were once married and had children but, they lost their jobs (due to no fault of their own) and they were unable to sustain their self or their families and ended up on the streets.
It has become a situation where, many of the homeless have no where to go at all. Some have families who abandoned them a long time ago and others cannot get into a shelter because, they are packed too full and no one else is allowed inside. Â This is a terrible situation to be in and you must keep an open mind and decide what you would do in this position as it’s too easy for people to say “Get a job, bum”. Think about what you say before you say it. The fact is, you don’t know the person and you don’t know what they are going through and therefore, you cannot judge them. This is simply about having the respect for another human being who has been unable to get their head above water. They are no different than yourself other than, you’re privileged and they are not.
If everyone would take the time to pitch in by donating blankets to them, taking them old clothes you don’t need, make extra sandwiches and bring some water (feeding them), sitting down and talking with them, just being supportive can make all the difference for these folks. You don’t need a lot of money to help them, just sharing what you already have can go a long way. I want everyone to please consider what I have said and pass the message along. Thank you for reading my blog on homelessness.
AmplioRecorrido 