Everyone knows the famous quote “Oh, the tangled webs we weave, when first we learn to deceive” Let me talk a little about open deception.
I’m a person of open deception and by that i mean that I put on a face when I’m around people. Allow me to explain. You see, I’m a person with many anxieties, fears, sadness and trauma. However, if I showed people that part of me, I would open myself up to discrimination, hate and negative comments. I recently proved this through telling one person about me in depth. That person was supposedly my friend and I’m real careful about how I describe a friend. Basically, I do this thing where when someone is fairly new in my life, I tell them one or two things about myself that are true to see their reaction. I found that this one though disagreed with how I feel, kept coming around anyway. After only 2 weeks, she used it to her advantage that I was this person underneath and began verbally abusing me, mocking me and so on. Then she texts and calls later on as if nothing is wrong. Now, I didn’t answer the phone or the text however, I think that she’s trying to use me as a vent.
I’m the kind of person who’s done when I say I’m done and by that, there’s no real second chances. I figure in the case I listed above, if she’s that kind of person after only 2 weeks, what kind of nightmare friend would she be for an eternity. That’s the warning signs that help you to get out of something and fast! So now, you can tell sometimes when a person is wearing a mask unless like myself, they put on a really good poker face. After years of dealing with my emotions and masking them from the world, I’ve gotten pretty good at keeping it from people. Is this a good thing? Well, I’ll tell you the good and the bad.
The Good – It keeps people from knowing they can run over you, abuse you or telling you BS stories that never actually happened to them, in order to make you feel better.
The Bad – If something were to happen to you, say you collapsed or you died, it would leave the people around you completely confused about what happened to you. It makes you feel worse about yourself when you finally escape that social situation.
It doesn’t sound like much of a difference, either way there’s a negative to it and there’s not much you can do about that. Sure, you could tell everyone anything you want about yourself that’s true and end up taking the risks of them either leaving your life or making your business known to the whole world and both are very likely to happen. I believe that a part of being selectively deceptive by omitting information can be both valuable to you and also devastating at the same time. Here’s a prime example:
Say someone commits a crime and the Police interview the suspects mom and she has no clue about his thoughts or feelings prior to this crime, she’s very likely to say “My child wouldn’t do that, they weren’t that kind of person” and other people who do know what that person is about, shakes their head in disbelief. This is an example of a way that it can be detrimental to someone else and to yourself. In the first place, you didn’t think enough of it to go and get help before you did something horrible and you have your family and or friends puzzled as to what’s really going on.
Then you have on the other hand your thoughts, feelings and emotions. You worry that if you tell anyone how you feel, they are going to break out in negativity, make drama out of it or insist you’re crazy and need to get help. You know that you’re not crazy, you know you don’t need more drama and therefore, you’re going to make decisions about what to do. Some people commit suicide, they don’t want to live with the fact that everyone now knows their business. Some people check their self into a mental institution because, they have been convinced they are crazy. Some people start drinking, taking drugs or involving themselves in other risky behaviors, others go looking for love in the wrong places. There are so many different people in this world and you cannot assume that someone hasn’t been through anything or they aren’t struggling just because they have on a mask. If you’re not willing to deal with their issues or be a good support system for them, try to stay out of it. Don’t make a big scene to other people or social media.
The one thing that no one wants to talk about is death. For so many people it’s a scary thought especially when you’re young and healthy or somewhat healthy. However, when I was 18, I started thinking about what I would want when I die even though I had no plans of dying any time soon. I have had people say that it’s morbid and makes me seem like I have an obsession with death. Actually, it’s the opposite. I’m afraid of death just as much as the next person.
I found that despite what people want to believe, there are many people who die very young and it’s left up to the family as to what they may have wanted. I personally don’t want that. If something were to ever happen to me, I want the ability to make decisions for myself and I found the best way to do that is to have an Advance Directive in place. An Advance Directive is a way for you to write down exactly what you want, have 2 witnesses sign it, get it notarized if you desire to and give copies to your doctors, your local hospital and family or friends.
I found that the easiest form to fill out was a form called Five Wishes and it’s free to anyone who wants a copy mailed to them. There’s many different questions inside the Five Wishes and you simply write your answer to the questions below and then write anything else you would like. Some of the most important questions they ask you are things like Do you want life support? Do you want Artificial Nutrition? What music would you like played at your funeral? Things like that. It gives a clear cut and legal way for you to speak for yourself through your handwriting when you cannot speak for yourself verbally.
Now, I’m sure that so many of you will wonder why I would write a blog like this but honestly, I think it’s important to talk to people about what their options are and how to go about it without the expense of going through a lawyer or having to go to court and get a judge to sign your document. There are so many things going on in this world right now and so many people who are involved in innocent deaths and some who choose to end their lives. No matter what happens, be prepared. You can obtain a copy of Five Wishes here: http://www.amedisys.com/patients-and-caregivers/health-resources/advanced-directives